Four of the most important conversations I had during 2007
1) On the Robert Elms Show (BBC Radio London, 12/01/07) Mr Elms: Hello me old china, welcome to my show cor blimey. Tell us about this 2012 Olympic Marathon route then. Me: [puts on best Estuary accent] Well, every Olympic Marathon has to end up at the Olympic Stadium, so that means running up the A11. Mr Elms: Hehe lol. And then where does it go? Me: There's this wasteland up the River Lea where the stadium's going. Mr Elms: Hehe lol. I'm sorry, that's all we have time for. Me: But that was barely five minutes. I had tons more to say. Mr Elms: Sorry, your media career just peaked. And now we've got Joan from Streatham on the line to talk about fish.
2) At the boss's desk (in the office, 05/02/07) The boss: I've got to read out this announcement word for word. There's going to be a restructure. Me: Oh god, not another one. The boss: We're splitting the team up into bits and recombining some bits elsewhere, because a consultant said it made sense. Me: Oh god, oh god. The boss: And, even though I don't yet know it, I'm going to get made redundant as a result. Me: Oh god. But I bet they revert everything back to normal by the end of the year. The new boss: Nearly normal... and yet utterly different.
3) In the hospital ward (Royal London, 23/05/07) Pharmacist: Hello, I'm the nice lady who brings round the tablets every three hours. What medicines are you on? Me: Erm, I'm not on any medicines at all. The nice ambulanceman only just wheeled me in. Pharmacist: But everybody else in this ward is on huge handfuls of smarties eight times a day. Me: I've never actually swallowed a tablet in my life. Pharmacist: Well make the most of today, because from tomorrow you'll be gobbling down my goodies for the rest of your life. Me: Blimey, imagine how much worse it would be if I was actually ill.
4) Outside the usual pub (West End, 16/11/07) BestMate: So, the Americans just turned down my visa. Me: But, but, but, you've been living over there for nearly five years. BestMate: I know, but I can't go back now, they won't let me. So I'm going to have to move back to London permanently. Me: Oh bugger, that's a shame. Where shall we go out tomorrow night?
