Sunday, December 30, 2007
Four of the most important conversations I had during 2007
1) On the Robert Elms Show (BBC Radio London, 12/01/07)
Mr Elms: Hello me old china, welcome to my show cor blimey. Tell us about this 2012 Olympic Marathon route then.
Me: [puts on best Estuary accent] Well, every Olympic Marathon has to end up at the Olympic Stadium, so that means running up the A11.
Mr Elms: Hehe lol. And then where does it go?
Me: There's this wasteland up the River Lea where the stadium's going.
Mr Elms: Hehe lol. I'm sorry, that's all we have time for.
Me: But that was barely five minutes. I had tons more to say.
Mr Elms: Sorry, your media career just peaked. And now we've got Joan from Streatham on the line to talk about fish.
2) At the boss's desk (in the office, 05/02/07)
The boss: I've got to read out this announcement word for word. There's going to be a restructure.
Me: Oh god, not another one.
The boss: We're splitting the team up into bits and recombining some bits elsewhere, because a consultant said it made sense.
Me: Oh god, oh god.
The boss: And, even though I don't yet know it, I'm going to get made redundant as a result.
Me: Oh god. But I bet they revert everything back to normal by the end of the year.
The new boss: Nearly normal... and yet utterly different.
3) In the hospital ward (Royal London, 23/05/07)
Pharmacist: Hello, I'm the nice lady who brings round the tablets every three hours. What medicines are you on?
Me: Erm, I'm not on any medicines at all. The nice ambulanceman only just wheeled me in.
Pharmacist: But everybody else in this ward is on huge handfuls of smarties eight times a day.
Me: I've never actually swallowed a tablet in my life.
Pharmacist: Well make the most of today, because from tomorrow you'll be gobbling down my goodies for the rest of your life.
Me: Blimey, imagine how much worse it would be if I was actually ill.
4) Outside the usual pub (West End, 16/11/07)
BestMate: So, the Americans just turned down my visa.
Me: But, but, but, you've been living over there for nearly five years.
BestMate: I know, but I can't go back now, they won't let me. So I'm going to have to move back to London permanently.
Me: Oh bugger, that's a shame. Where shall we go out tomorrow night?
<< click for Newer posts
click for Older Posts >>
click to return to the main page
