| | Often | Sometimes | Avoid |
| Meat | chicken (hurrah), turkey (happy Christmas), veal (yeah right), rabbit, Quorn, tofu (and general vegetarianism) | lean beef, lean pork, lean lamb, lean mince, lean ham (OK, I get the hint), liver, kidney | fatty meat, hamburgers, streaky bacon, sausages (damn), pate, pork pies (damn), crackling, pasties, nasty fleshy tubes |
| Fish | herring, mackerel, sardines, tuna, salmon; various white fish (I think I'll end up eating a lot out of this box) | fried fish (in suitable oil), breadcrumbed fish (ditto), battered fish (ditto), shellfish | chip shop fish (bloody grr and damn), fishpaste (no great loss), caviar (not bloody likely anyway) |
| Eggs & dairy | skimmed milk (tasteless gloop), low fat cottage cheese (ugh), egg white | semi-skimmed milk (yup), low-fat cheese (it exists?), low fat yoghurt, Edam (hmm), Camembert & Brie (ugh) | full fat milk, cream, cheddar and other cheeses (bloody hell), eggs (no great loss), full fat yoghurt |
| Fats | none, just none (obviously) | low fat spreads (for example Flora, sponsors of arterial cloggage) | butter (never touch the stuff), marge (ditto), dripping, lard, suet (no wonder our ancestors died young) |
| Fruit & veg | almost all fruit, almost all veg, jacket potatoes, boiled potatoes, salad | olives, avocado (nah), oven chips (phew!), stir fry veg | fried veg, roast potatoes (nooooo!), chip shop chips (bloody grr and damn), coleslaw, crisps (sigh) |
| Cereals | wholemeal bread, wholegrain cereal (shut up Judith), brown rice, brown pasta, oats, porridge | white bread, white pasta, white rice, pancakes (pancakes???), sugary cereals, plain biscuits | sweet creamy biscuits, croissants, danish pastries |
| Sweets & spreads | low sugar jelly (how feeble does that sound?), sorbet, clicky sweeteners | jam, honey, chutney, pickle, Marmite, fruit crumble (mmm), custard (hurrah!) | cake (oh no, please no), pastry (sheesh), chocolate (bugger!), ice cream (sad face) |
| Prepared foods | pasta in tomato sauce, fish pie (with mash top), fat-free soup | low fat ready meals, home-made soup, packet soup, creamy pasta | pies (that's so unfair), quiche (I don't care), dumplings, creamy soups, mayo |
| Drinks | water (obviously), tea with low fat milk (phew), unsweetened fruit juice, low alcohol beer (does anybody?) | coffee with skimmed milk (never touch it), low calorie hot chocolate, Ovaltine, alcohol | whole milk drinks, creamy liqueurs, coffee whiteners, melted lard in a mug (not recommended) |
