I always try to keep my laptop running as smoothly as possible. I don't like having lots of unnecessary simultaneous programs up and running, and I try to avoid excessive software multi-tasking. I may want lots of browser windows open, but I don't want three different media players and two streaming torrents battling away in the background. So I'm always particularly annoyed when some multinational software giant insists that its programs are so important that I really must run them anyway, even if I don't want to. And the two worst offenders are both complete A***es.
iTunesHelper.exe: I need iTunes on my computer. I wouldn't be able to upload music and listen to it on the Central line otherwise. But I like to be able to choose when I need iTunes, and I don't want Apple deciding for me. Ah, the evil Quick Time update. Capitulate to its persistent charms and it'll download all sorts of sneaky little preferences onto your machine, whether you want them or not. And I don't want iTunesHelper.exe either. This little demon loads at startup, slowing down my logon <taps fingers>. And all these lengthy shenanigans are merely so that later on, should I want to load iTunes, iTunes loads really fast. Illusory speed later, perhaps, paid for by snail's pace loading now, definitely. It's evil, pure evil.
QTTask.exe: I don't want this one either. I don't want bloody Quick Time access from my system tray, because I don't feel the need to use Apple's foisted software quite so often as they think I ought. I don't want them hijacking all my defaults, and I don't want them checking for updates automatically. What I do want is the option to turn them off on startup, and they don't offer me that. This enforced opt-in is despicable corporate arrogance, and it stinks.
No, it's OK, I have managed to turn both of the above off. I downloaded the very wonderful Startup Inspector program, which checks everything that's loaded on my startup menu (even the secret stuff) and offers me the possibility to disable it. So I've disabled them both. Yah boo sucks to you, Apple.
AppleMobileDeviceService.exe: But I can't turn this one off. Piggybacked onto a Quick Time update, this miserable program kicks in at startup and lies dormant waiting for me to plug in my iPhone. It matters not to Apple that I don't own an iPhone, because this bastardware keeps checking just in case. And if I delve into the heart of the machine and stop the process running, it resurrects itself a few seconds later and sits there smugly in the background once again. Thanks Apple for putting another process on my computer for no reason. Trust me, I will never own an iPhone, especially if this is how you treat your users.
Adobe Acrobat Reader: P. D. F. Three letters to burn fear into the heart of any non-optimal home computer user. Especially the scary phrase "this document is available as a pdf". I know, if I clink on the link, that I'll have time to go and make a cup of tea before Adobe's bloated software loads. Acrobat insists on installing a variety of unnecessary plug-ins, just in case the document I'm loading should be in Icelandic or require animated gif management or something. Er, no, it's just a simple white page with black text, but all these plug-ins upload anyway. Please, make it stop.
Updater: What's this folder doing in my "My Documents" folder? Updater's always empty, but it's always there. Even if I delete it, Adobe puts it back again. I've deleted it <checks Recycle Bin> at least 100 times by now, but it still keeps coming back, empty. Please Adobe, learn to install your gubbins without making a mess in public.
See also... Quick Time Picture Viewer: I don't need yet another photo-viewer thanks, I have enough already. But this program insists on adding itself to every picture-related drop-down menu. Go away. Go away please. LastFMHelper.exe: Sigh. I don't want you to load LastFM every time I load iTunes. I don't need your memory-hogging box of tricks telling me unnecessary facts I already know about every song I play. Stop wasting my bandwidth. Ah, how I long for the golden days of the ever-so simple unobtrusive iScrobbler. etc etc: You probably have more limpetware on your machine. Who will rid us of this turbulent software?
