Wahey, the Olympic torchcomes to London this weekend. It's chugging round the capital on Sunday, following a rather more ambitious route than it did four years ago. Ah, now that was a sight. If you fancy following the flame in 2008 (with or without placard), here's my approximate guide to where to go.
10:30 Wembley: Actually, don't bother turning up here unless you're a Brent resident and you've got a ticket. The event's in Arena Square, and not inside the stadium where you might expect it to be. And could someone please teach the official Torch Relay website how to spell Harlesden? And then by bus (yes, bus) to... 11:00 Ladbroke Grove & Notting Hill: A bit of symbolic multiculturalism as a very-mini-Carnival cheers on the runners. Let's hope it isn't snowing too ferociously by now. Then some cyclists carry the torch along the top of Hyde Park (probably a good place to jump into the road and wave your pro-Tibet banner) to... 12:00 Oxford Street: Back to an open-topped bus, for the full length of this disinterested shopping street, as far as the British Museum. Let's hope the curator doesn't nick the torch and stick it on show with our other foreign booty. Then jogging athletes take over again, through Soho to 12:30 Chinatown: Obviously. With dragons. 12:50 Trafalgar Square: Probably one of the busiest spots on the run, so a good opportunity for the Torch Relay's greedysponsors to hand out advertising freebies to grinning children. Who the hell are Lenovo anyway? Then a sprint down Whitehall to 13:00 Downing Street: Gordon Brown grits his teeth and welcomes envoys from another nation with a dismal human rights record, before the flame heads down to Westminster Pier and goes for a jolly jaunt on the Thames to 13:30 South Bank: Waiting here will be youngsters celebrating with arty singing, beatboxing and hiphop (really, it's all very Olympic, honest). I hope they still can be heard above the roar of the security choppers whirring overhead. And then a slow run via Somerset House to 14:45 St Paul's Cathedral: Ooh, bagpipes. It's a real cultural smorgasbord this cross-capital journey, isn't it? Back on the bus to cross London Bridge to 15:00 Tibet: No, sorry, I'm lying. 15:15 City Hall: One of the last events to take place at the seat of London's civic administration, before Mayor Boris sells off the glass building as a terribly desirable apartment block (with gym and concierge). Time to run across Tower Bridge to Tower Hamlets... 15:45-ish Whitechapel Road: The torch will probably be running woefully late by now, so don't blink or you'll miss it. Here we're promised spectacular performances from "the Emperor and the Tiger". And then up High Street 2012, by bus, to 16:08 My house!! Blimey, it's the Olympic torch! Right outside my front door! The flame may be on its way to Beijing, via the world, but it has to go past my chicken nugget-strewn doorstep first. I am duly honoured. 16:15 Stratford: There's no visit to ourOlympic Stadium, not this year, but the host borough of Newham are throwing a really big street party. Might be fun. And then, unbelievably, the Olympic flame hitches a ride on the DLR (in direct contravention of DLR Conditions of Carriage Section 4 subsection 5) to 17:00 Canary Wharf: Here's the face-painting. You knew there had to be face-painting somewhere. And jugglers and stilt walkers and probably some scary clowns too. And finally back to the river for a boat trip round the Thames's loopy meander to 18:00 North Greenwich: Sssh, don't call it the Dome. Ssssh, don't call it the <insert name of mobile network>. And don't bother coming to the cauldron-lighting acrobatic finale in the Square if you didn't get free tickets. I didn't get free tickets. I wonder how many Tibetan protesters got free tickets. April 7th Paris: Rubbing salt in the wounds a bit, innit?
Wahey, the Olympic torch comes to London this weekend. It's chugging round the capital on Sunday, following a rather more ambitious route than it did four years ago. Ah, now that was a sight. If you fancy following the flame in 2008 (with or without placard), here's my approximate guide to where to go.
10:30 Wembley: Actually, don't bother turning up here unless you're a Brent resident and you've got a ticket. The event's in Arena Square, and not inside the stadium where you might expect it to be. And could someone please teach the official Torch Relay website how to spell Harlesden? And then by bus (yes, bus) to...
13:00 Downing Street: Gordon Brown grits his teeth and welcomes envoys from another nation with a dismal human rights record, before the flame heads down to Westminster Pier and goes for a jolly jaunt on the Thames to
16:08 My house!! Blimey, it's the Olympic torch! Right outside my front door! The flame may be on its way to Beijing, via the world, but it has to go past my chicken nugget-strewn doorstep first. I am duly honoured.
