Please stop reading while you walk. You're looking down rather than looking forward. You can't see where you're going. You're not paying any attention to the environment around you. You're going to have an accident, you know you are. And probably soon.
Please stop reading while you walk. I know you only picked up that free newspaper a few minutes ago, but it's not that exciting. There's nothing important in it, just a few news snippets in short sentences and lots of photos of celebrities. You're reading rubbish while you should be watching the pavement. Amy's latest drug binge debacle can wait. Save it for later.
Please stop reading while you walk. Tabloid freesheets weren't designed for people on the run. Even just looking at the pictures takes too much concentration, which you ought to be applying to the world around you instead. But no, you appear to be intent on studying the pages whilst shuffling slowly forward and getting in everyone else's way. Put it down.
Please stop reading while you walk. It's slowing you down. The rest of us are trying to walk at normal pace, and you're getting in our way. You just can't multi-task, can you? The more you read the slower you walk, and the more of a mobile obstruction you become. You're so engrossed in your words that you can't react to your surroundings. Mind that lamppost. And mind me.
Please stop reading while you walk. You're where I want to be, and you haven't noticed. You're stumbling blindly three feet in front of me. You're blocking the pavement. You're clogging the entrance to the escalator. You're obstructing the platform. I'm forced to make a detour because you haven't noticed we're about to collide. You're like a literary zombie.
Please stop reading while you walk. You ought to be watching out for obstacles, not newsprint. You ought to have some idea where you're heading, not hiding your head in text. You ought to be reading the situation, not what's in your hands. And you're being bloody selfish, and I'd like to give you a great big slap.
Please stop reading while you walk. The world's a dangerous place when you're not looking at it. One more step and you might be walking into the road, or in front of a bike, or under a bus. And you'll never know what hit you. Put that newspaper down, or else you might just feature in a small paragraph on tomorrow's page 11, which you'll never read.
What's on this weekend? Spring Into Summer Saturday 30 & Sunday 31 May
40 free guided London walks. Purley Festival Friday 29 - Sunday 5 June
Bunting week, below Croydon. E17 Art Trail Sat 30th May - Sun 14th June
250 arty Walthamstow things.