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10 things I wish I'd gone back in time and told myself before I went to watch TheDarkKnight (12A) at the cinema: 1) It may be a Batman film, but nobody goes ZAP! KAPOW! or ZONK! Sorry, I know you enjoyed the 1960s TV series with Adam West as the Caped Crusader, but it's not camp and fantastical like that at all. This Batman is dark, serious and intense. There's not even a Robin for heaven's sake. Holy Absentee! 2) You might want to consider taking emergency rations. It's a very long film, just over two and a half hours, and most people ran out of giant popcorn well before the middle. 3) Move along one from the seat you think you want to sit in. That'll leave a gap of only one, not two, which'll stop the pair of fat latecomers from squeezing past and wrecking your legroom. 4) Suspend disbelief. Lots of utterly ridiculous things will happen (like falling off skyscrapers and an unfeasibly long car chase) and will be taken very seriously. Yes, I know that's how action comics work, but it pays to be prepared. 5) The distributors haven't made a big fuss of this being a sequel, but it is. You might want to watch Batman Begins before you go, because then a few unspoken hints in the utterly convoluted plot might make sense. 6) Bang! Dead. Bang! Dead. Bang! Dead. Be warned that there are a heck of a lot of senseless deaths throughout. London's suburbs aren't yet anywhere near this bad, whatever the press and media might suggest. 7) Heath Ledger's going to get nominated for an Oscar for his role as the unhinged Joker. You might not agree with that, but watch out for the bit where he walks away from an exploding hospital because I bet they show that at the ceremony. 8) You might want to warn the snogging couple three rows in front of you not to sit there. Two of the cinema patrons to their left have very weak bladders and will interrupt all the good bits by walking past, twice, each. 9) It's not a very Batman-centred film. Many of the supporting roles have a lot more plot time and screen presence. Christian Bale's a bit dull really. 10) You could walk out fifteen minutes before the end. You won't, obviously, but trust me, it's the weakest bit of the film and you could.
