Yesterday I had visitors. My brother and two nephews came down from Norfolk, by coach, to spend the day in London. Fortunately the weather forecast was mostly wrong and, after an initial drizzling, we were barely dampened all day. First stop was a Thames-side attraction I'd never visited before - most enjoyable, and which I'll tell you about another day. Second stop the ImperialWarMuseum, with lots of murderous weaponry to explore and plenty of interest to see. And third stop the Dome.
Well, that was the plan anyway. But London had other ideas. Because attempting to get around the capital by public transport at weekends can be a nightmare. From Lambeth to North Greenwich is less than five miles as the crow flies - should be easy enough, you'd think. Indeed five miles in Norfolk is a doddle of a journey, by car obviously, and would probably take no more than ten minutes. But SE1 to SE10, armed only with a travelcard, is quite another matter. We failed, utterly, lengthily, miserably.
So there we were outside the Imperial War Museum on Lambeth Road, attempting to work out an appropriate route to the Dome. Jubilee line, obviously, from nearby Waterloo or Southwark all the way to our destination. Except there was planned engineering work on the line and services were suspended between Green Park and North Greenwich, so that was out. Replacement bus services were operating... but only to Canada Water, and not from nearby, so no use there either. FAIL
Alternative tube route, then. Lambeth North to Embankment, then a slow chug east to West Ham, then Jubilee to North Greenwich. Except that this meandering journey heads in the wrong direction at least twice and looked like it would take forever. And anyway, my 9-year-old nephew had had enough of walking the streets by this time and wasn't keen on even a mild trudge back to the nearest station. FAIL
Bus, then. Only two routes run immediately past the museum, neither of which appeared to go anywhere useful. A careful look at the spider map at the bus stop revealed further routes, but again no obvious North Greenwich connection. I've since discovered there was a bus to the Dome running a few streets away, at Elephant and Castle, but at the time the Lambeth North spider map revealed nothing of the 188 so we completely overlooked it. If only TfL still produced proper street maps at bus stops, but no, we get the condensed summary for thick people. FAIL
River, then. A ride along the Thames to the Dome ticks lots of tourist boxes, and was a definite favourite with my visitors. So we took the bus to Bankside and walked down the pier to await the next eastbound service. Waiting passengers clustered around the boarding ramp, making no attempt at a queue (neither were there any railings to encourage us to line up, nor any employees on the pier to keep order). When the packed Thames Clipper finally arrived it was ten passengers off and ten passengers on, so only the most forceful managed to get on board. We didn't. The next boat would be just as full, we thought, and there were no clues how long we'd have to wait because the pier's electronic indicator was reporting fictional arrivals. At the weekend these catamaran services are an unpredictable unreliable raffle. FAILSo, despite protestations, we decided to walk to the nearest tube station. Across the Millennium Bridge to St Paul's, a bit of a trek but a mighty scenic route all the same. But when we finally arrived we discovered the gates to the station firmly locked. Bugger. I'd checked the weekend engineering update on the TfL website before setting out but I'd missed the small print that St Paul's station was closed due to refurbishment works. We should have gone to Mansion House in the first place but, of course, on the tube map that's not geographically obvious. FAIL
At this point we completely changed our plans and headed instead into the West End for food. By bus from St Paul's to the Strand, what could possibly go wrong? But one stop from success our 23 suddenly veered right to avoid a closed street and eventually dumped us more than half a mile from where we wanted to be. No advance warning to disgruntled passengers, just an automated "This bus is on diversion" after it was too late. FAIL
We'd spent two hours traipsing around London getting absolutely nowhere, beset by engineering disaster, inadequate information and organisational mismanagement. Because sometimes, especially at weekends, London's transport is unutterably incompetent. And when you're only in town for a weekend, it's a shame to have it unnecessarily wasted.
So there we were outside the Imperial War Museum on Lambeth Road, attempting to work out an appropriate route to the Dome. Jubilee line, obviously, from nearby Waterloo or Southwark all the way to our destination. Except there was planned engineering work on the line and services were suspended between Green Park and North Greenwich, so that was out. Replacement bus services were operating... but only to Canada Water, and not from nearby, so no use there either. FAIL Alternative tube route, then. Lambeth North to Embankment, then a slow chug east to West Ham, then Jubilee to North Greenwich. Except that this meandering journey heads in the wrong direction at least twice and looked like it would take forever. And anyway, my 9-year-old nephew had had enough of walking the streets by this time and wasn't keen on even a mild trudge back to the nearest station. FAIL Bus, then. Only two routes run immediately past the museum, neither of which appeared to go anywhere useful. A careful look at the spider map at the bus stop revealed further routes, but again no obvious North Greenwich connection. I've since discovered there was a bus to the Dome running a few streets away, at Elephant and Castle, but at the time the Lambeth North spider map revealed nothing of the 188 so we completely overlooked it. If only TfL still produced proper street maps at bus stops, but no, we get the condensed summary for thick people. FAIL River, then. A ride along the Thames to the Dome ticks lots of tourist boxes, and was a definite favourite with my visitors. So we took the bus to Bankside and walked down the pier to await the next eastbound service. Waiting passengers clustered around the boarding ramp, making no attempt at a queue (neither were there any railings to encourage us to line up, nor any employees on the pier to keep order). When the packed Thames Clipper finally arrived it was ten passengers off and ten passengers on, so only the most forceful managed to get on board. We didn't. The next boat would be just as full, we thought, and there were no clues how long we'd have to wait because the pier's electronic indicator was reporting fictional arrivals. At the weekend these catamaran services are an unpredictable unreliable raffle. FAIL
So, despite protestations, we decided to walk to the nearest tube station. Across the Millennium Bridge to St Paul's, a bit of a trek but a mighty scenic route all the same. But when we finally arrived we discovered the gates to the station firmly locked. Bugger. I'd checked the weekend engineering update on the TfL website before setting out but I'd missed the small print that St Paul's station was closed due to refurbishment works. We should have gone to Mansion House in the first place but, of course, on the tube map that's not geographically obvious. FAIL At this point we completely changed our plans and headed instead into the West End for food. By bus from St Paul's to the Strand, what could possibly go wrong? But one stop from success our 23 suddenly veered right to avoid a closed street and eventually dumped us more than half a mile from where we wanted to be. No advance warning to disgruntled passengers, just an automated "This bus is on diversion" after it was too late. FAIL We'd spent two hours traipsing around London getting absolutely nowhere, beset by engineering disaster, inadequate information and organisational mismanagement. Because sometimes, especially at weekends, London's transport is unutterably incompetent. And when you're only in town for a weekend, it's a shame to have it unnecessarily wasted.
