Continuity Announcer: Good afternoon boys and girls everywhere. Next on the British Broadcasting Television Service we have a very special programme for you. The first edition of an exciting new children's magazine programme entitled BluePeter...
» Drumroll, followed by jaunty nautical hornpipe played by the Chalk Farm Salvation Army Brass Band
Christopher: Hellay children. Hellay Leila. That's a very nice doll's house you have there. I'm so looking forward to seeing inside. And I've been playing with trains. Would you like to see my layout? Valerie: Our Summer expedition to Ceylon was a great success. And I must say, it came as a big surprise to wake up in my beach hut and find Princess Anne in the bed next to me. John: So Biddy said, "John, you're going to be the first man to parachute handcuffed off the top of Nelson's Column". But she forgot to tell me that Shep would be coming too. Peter: It's that time of year again when we take Freda the tortoise out of her cardboard box, wipe her eyes with a tissue and hope to goodness she's still alive.
» Historical re-enactment in which Lesley dresses up as Florence Nightingale and walks around Hammersmith Park carrying a lamp
Simon: If you're slightly too cool to be watching me interview a school orchestra from Plymouth, you might prefer to switch over to ITV and watch Magpie instead. Tina: And the winner of the Under 5s category, and of the entire competition, is this oil painting by Marcus Parsons from Solihull. Well done Marcus, but we're not stupid and we'll be sending your special prize to Mrs Parsons instead. Sarah: Thank you for all the socks and teaspoons you've been sending in. As you can see, the totaliser is now flashing away at the 4000 mark, which is great news for the starving donkeys of Mozambique. Janet: Sorry Biddy, I appear to be pregnant. Obviously I'll resign immediately.
» Peter tries hard to be John Noakes by riding a motorbike blindfold through a flooded pipe, but the nation is not impressed
Percy: Oh my god no, look what the bastard vandals have done to my Italian Sunken Garden. They'll hang for this, I tell you (sob) Mark: You can see all of our favourite adventures from the last 12 months regurgitated in this year's Blue Peter Annual, which no doubt some well-meaning auntie will buy you for Christmas. Look, that's me on the front cover wearing a chunky-knit tartan tank top. Yvette: What ghostly goings on have haunted the dungeons of this old castle? Ohmigod! WhatWasThat! Something touched my leg... Hang on, sorry, I'm about two decades too early. Anthea: You'd never guess that this rather amateurish looking International Rescuesimulation started out as three squeezy bottles, a box of cheesy triangles and some rubber solution glue.
» Diane-Louise sticks another pin in the map to show the location of a Bring and Buy Sale in a front garden in Dumfries that has raised "an impressive £2.70"
John: After my special flight riding in Concorde's cockpit, I took two of the air hostesses back to my hotel room and showed them the true meaning of supersonic. Stuart: You can make this Advent crown out of two coathangers and some flameproof tinsel, but it might be quicker to re-use any of the umpteen crowns we've urged you to construct over the last few decades. Konnie: Your Blue Peter Badge will get you free entry to hundreds of tourist attractions across the country. I've scooped 100 from a box in the office and I'm selling them for a fortune on eBay. Richard: *cough* no, really, that white powder on my upper lip is just leftover glitter from this Christmas card I made earlier.
» Katy attempts to give a guide dog a wash in a tin bath in the studio, and gets very wet in the process. In universities all across the UK, students set their video recorders.
Matt: Oh damn, the Blue Peter Box for the Year 2000 has let in water and is full of soggy mush. Liz: We asked you what to call our brand new kitten, and your votes said "Kitty". But that's a bloody naff name so we've picked "Mittens" instead. It's OK, nobody'll ever catch us out. Gethin: That's all we have time for, but we'll be back in our next show with a song from McFly, a report on hang-gliding and something cheap to make for Mother's Day out of a matchbox and some sticky-backed plastic. Andy/Helen/Joel: Hey, we may be nobodies at the moment, but one day we'll be as famous as John, Val and Peter. In our dreams.
» Drum'n'bass representation of Barnacle Bill (also available to download as ringtone)
Continuity presenter: Yeah, right, that was great, that was Blue Peter, yeah, massive. And if you want to catch the next programme, it'll be hidden away on CBBC at 10am on a Wednesday, because us modern kids don't watch no TV no more, wicked.