You're wearing a condom on your head. An oversized knitted condom, admittedly, but the shape of a prophylactic all the same. What do you look like? You probably think you're wearing a modern trendy cutting-edge fashionable beanie hat, you do. But I think you're wearing a knitted condom on your head. I think you look a right plonker.
I mean, what a sartorial disaster. Even a normal sized beanie hat usually looks misshapen and style-free. But yours is "super massive", probably picked up at Top Man for a tenner, and it droops embarrassingly backwards off your lank gel-soaked hair. It's tight and clingy round your ears, but loose and floppy further back. You look like Noddy, or a pot-smoking pixie, or some white boy attempting to appear hip and Afro. Let me assure you, you've failed.
You wouldn't wear a real condom on your head, would you? Not unless you were very drunk, or showing off in front of your mates, or just interested to see how far it might inflate. But it seems you're perfectly happy to wear this woolly lookalike. It would make a woefully inadequate contraceptive, all over-sized and leaky, and any woman would laugh you out of bed if you tried using it down below. But on your head, where it's patently unfillable, that's just madness.
And why? The weather's not even proper cold yet for heaven's sake, so you have no genuine need for any insulated cranial extension. Are you storing something under there, or did your bell fall off, or are you just following the fashion herd like a depressingly compliant sheep. I shall never understand why men wear hats. More to the point, I shall never understand men's fashion. But, quite clearly, neither do you. Because you're wearing a knitted condom on your head. And you look a complete teat.
You're wearing a condom on your head. An oversized knitted condom, admittedly, but the shape of a prophylactic all the same. What do you look like? You probably think you're wearing a modern trendy cutting-edge fashionable beanie hat, you do. But I think you're wearing a knitted condom on your head. I think you look a right plonker.
