I hate parties. 12 Jumbo Tempura Prawns: 6 Lightly seasoned, 6 hot and spicy. I never know what to wear. 10 Mini Pizza Slices: 5 Cheese & tomato, 5 BBQ chicken & pineapple. When I see what everyone else is wearing, I always wish I'd worn something else. 12 Pastry Boats: 6 Oriental duck & vegetable, 6 vegetable & salsa. I always turn up too early. 12 Sticky Chicken Skewers: Chicken skewers with an oriental style sauce. I either forget to bring a bottle, or I bring something inappropriate. 12 King Prawn Spoons I never know anybody except the host, who's always too busy to talk. 15 Crispy Duck Parcels: Duck & vegetable parcels with a hoisin dip. I stand around near conversations trying to look interested. 12 Mini Chicken Kievs I usually end up talking to the really boring person nobody else wants to talk to. 12 Tortilla Wraps: 6 Fajita chicken, 6 hoisin duck. I hope he's not thinking the same thing. 12 Mini Quiche Slices: 6 Mediterranean vegetables, 6 quiche lorraine. I hate half of all buffet food, but because it's not labelled I never know which half. 12 Spicy Nachos: 8 Chilli beef, 4 spicy chicken. I sometimes risk biting into a filo parcel only to discover it contains yucky stuff. 14 Butterfly King Prawns Skewers: 7 Lightly seasoned, 7 sweet chilli. I hate dips. 10 Mini BBQ Pork & Chorizo Kebabs: BBQ flavour pork and chorizo with onions on skewers. I can't remember anybody's name, even though I was introduced to them all earlier. 18 Mini Cornish Pasties I look lost. 30 Cheese Puff Selection: 10 Cheese, 10 cheese & onion, 10 cheese & ham. I always think something more interesting must be happening in another room. 20 Chicken Goujons: 10 Garlic & herb, 10 plain. I often stand by a bowl of peanuts and eat far too many of them. 10 Mini Beef & Pepperoni Kebabs Sometimes I only stay awake by listening to the background music, even though it's rubbish. 20 Breaded Cheese Bites: 10 Cheese & chilli, 10 cheese & garlic. It seems impolite to be the first person to leave, even though I want to be. 20 Tikka Bites: With cocktail sticks. I ought to say goodbye to the host, but I don't want to interrupt them. 18 Mini Hot Dogs: Hot dog sausage rolled in pastry. There is nowhere quite so lonely as the middle of a crowd. 12 Breaded Jalapeno Peppers: Breaded jalapeno peppers with cream cheese. I hate parties. 24 Mini Eclairs Just as well I never get invited to any.
