"Well that was easier than I thought, Michelle darling."
"I know Barack dear, who'd have thought you'd take control quite so easily? But the reins of power are yours now. The world is at your feet, and the public are in the palm of your hand. Oh, my little devil, this is just too delicious for words."
"And nobody's guessed who I really am yet. Nobody apart from the Christian fundamentalists, the hellfire preachers and the obsessive Armageddon-mongers. And who's going to believe them? They have zero credibility after Bush."
"Electing Bush to office for eight years, that was a plan of genius. Squandering natural resources, accelerating climate change, inciting international instability - he's taken the blame for the lot. Puts you years ahead of schedule already!"
"And I look like an angel in comparison! If only they knew!"
"I've started Malia and Sasha off on the trumpet lessons, like you suggested. The two of them should be well up to Last Trump standards by the time the horned beast appears."
"The Chief of Staff showed me the button today, the big red one. Obviously I resisted pressing it, because it's not The Time yet. But it'll be really easy when The Time comes. I've got a book with all the passwords and everything."
"Lucky we've got our own deep level nuclear bunker now, eh? Ooh, I've just found the seven Seals of Office, over here in this filing cabinet. When do you want to open the first one?"
"Whoa there, not yet dear! We don't want to release the first horseman of the Apocalypse too early. I thought I might take Air Force One up to Alaska in the fall and let rip there. See how Governor Palin copes with an outbreak of plague and pestilence."
"I'm really looking forward to your State Visit to Brazil where you secretly unleash the wormwood, then fly home. The lake of fire should be really fun too, and the rivers of blood, and that big comet scheduled for Thanksgiving."
"Acolyte Blair has been doing such a great job in the Middle East already, don't you think? The World Summit in New Jerusalem should be a riot."
"They won't be expecting an all-consuming fire-breathing seven-headed dragon, that's for sure! I can't wait to watch the coverage on CNN."
"Once Babylon has been made desolate, and the ancient scriptures fulfilled, that's when I go to the Senate and force through proposition 666. Disciple Reagan's network of killer satellites will kick in, the heavens will be cast asunder and eternal darkness will descend forever. Oh yes, I promised change, and everlasting change I shall deliver."