So, if you take advantage of the DLR's new link to Woolwich (available from 0521 this morning), what might you find there? Well worry not, because the DLR website features an extra-special tourist guide for the benefit of inbound visitors. Apparently "the station gives you the perfect opportunity to take advantage of what Woolwich and its surrounding area has to offer". Here's the website's list of suggested attractions. I wonder if you'll be as thrilled as I am?
• All major UK bank branches. No really, that's the first thing on the list. Apparently the most interesting thing about Woolwich is that it boasts all major UK bank branches. If there are no banks where you live, why not take the DLR to Woolwich? But there's no mention of the financial institution which put the town on the map. The Woolwich Permanent was one of the UK's first building societies, launched in 1847, and also one of the country's biggest. But when it demutualised in 1997 it aimed too high. The Woolwich was bought out lock stock and barrel by Barclays in 2000, and now exists only as a mortgaging brand name. Probably not worth the effort to come here especially for that.
• Reference, heritage and lending libraries. No really, that's the second thing on the list. Apparently the second most interesting thing about Woolwich is that it has libraries. If there are no libraries where you live, why not take the DLR to Woolwich, because it has three. Two of these are in the same building, with the poky single-room reference library on the floor above the cheerless lending library. Closed Wednesdays. This is no Woolwich highlight, this is 100% municipal ordinariness.
• A great variety of shops to suit everyone's taste including Marks and Spencer outlet, Sainsbury's and Primark. Woolwich is particularly noteworthy for its factory outlet and discount stores selling products at very low prices providing an outstanding opportunity for bargain hunters. Now if I've got this right, one of the best reasons to visit Woolwich is supposedly because the shops are cheap? Iceland, Peacocks, Chicken Cottage, McDonalds, that sort of thing. Charity shops galore. So if there are no pound shops where you live (maybe you live in Chelsea or something), why not take the DLR to Woolwich? It's the perfect credit-crunch retail destination.
• Beresford Square and Plumstead Road market is located in the heart of Woolwich town centre. The market is open Monday - Saturday selling food and goods at competitive prices. And there are two markets, one in the street and one undercover. That's hardly unique for London, isn't it? The market in Beresford Square sells specialist stuff like 29p dishcloths, bananas in plastic bowls and dodgy-looking puffa jackets, while the indoor hall echoes with badly-punctuated emptiness. Both markets are in "a fully accessible, vehicle-free environment", according to the Greenwich council website, which pulls no punches attempting to make the place sound appealing. There's also a big painted sign on stilts between the two to remind shoppers how historic the place is, royal charter and all. So hey, if there are no markets where you live, why not take the DLR to Woolwich?
• Firepower – the Royal Artillery Museum. The Museum, based in the Royal Arsenal in Woolwich, tells the story of the men and women who have served as Gunners in the Royal Regiment of Artillery since it was founded. Ooh, hang on, genuine tourist destination! Not just because North London's finest footballteam kicked off right here in 1886, but because Woolwich has a rich military history. The Royal Arsenal started off as Tudor dockside ordnance stores, and grew eventually into the UK's largest gun repository. Proper huge and important it was, until it closed in 1967 and evolved into an elite-ish housing development. And a museum, which is yours to enter for a fiver. They're doing some major shuffling around at the moment, so 2009 may not be the year to visit, but it's got to be worth doing one day.
• For another piece of local History, visit the Greenwich Heritage Centre. Bringing together the former Borough Museum and Local History Library it offers a wealth of information and fascinating displays about the history of the borough. And back to libraries again. That's the second time that the Heritage Library has been mentioned, which suggests it must be pretty damned exciting. Trust me, it isn't. A few local archives to look through, a humbly-stocked heritage shop and a transient art display. Plus a half-decent exhibition about Woolwich Arsenal, which rescues the place somewhat. But not quite enough.
• Thames barrier visitor centre. Completed in 1984 the Thames Barrier is over 1,700 feet in width with four 200 foot openings. The best view of the barrier is by boat- several of the Thames tours stop here. That's the most underwhelming description of the Thames Barrier I think I've ever read. The barrier's more than a mile from the new DLR station, and it's not a lovely walk either. But still the mostamazingthing in the area.
• Waterfront Leisure Center. A water park with 65 metre anaconda slide, a hot tub, a wave machine, a waterfall, water jets and five-lane multi-slide, there's something for here for everyone! There's nothing here for me, sorry. It's just a souped-up swimming pool, and they're ten a penny these days. But if you're bringing hyperactive children to Woolwich, don't take them anywhere else, take them here.
Not mentioned:
» The Woolwich Ferry(presumably because it's competition for the new DLR service)
» The Woolwich Foot Tunnel(presumably because it's competition for the new DLR service)
» The DLR Information Centre(a few chairs in a disused retail unit with free leaflets)
» Woolwich Arsenal DLR station(I bet this'll be the most popular tourist attraction in town today)
» Woolwich Barracks(it may, or may not, be home to the shooting at the 2012 Olympics. And it has the longestcontinuous facade of any building in the UK. You can't visit, not unless you enlist in the army or something. But it's possibly the most fascinating place in Woolwich, and it isn't even on the list. Beats the bank and the bloody library, that's for sure)
