Whose idea was it to schedule a meeting before 9am? And an important meeting too, one that I couldn't possible back out of. I mean, before nine, that's just wrong. It's too early. We don't all plonk down at our desks at dawn, bright and breezy and raring to start work. We're not all morning people, keen to engage on the business of the day before breakfast. Some people are going to have to move heaven and earth (and childcare arrangements) to be at a meeting this early. Some people are going to have to set off from home at a ridiculous hour to be here before nine. Knowing the temperamental state of London's transport network, some people aren't going to make it here at all. The rest of us will end up sitting in a room full of comatose bleary-eyed souls, propping themselves up with steaming cups of coffee and trying desperately to stay awake while somebody important waffles on about objectives and milestones. And all this because "before nine" was the the only slot in the schedule you could find. There's a reason for that slot being empty, you idiot.
Whose idea was it to schedule a meeting over lunch? And an important meeting too, one that I couldn't possible back out of. It's lunchtime for heavens sake. I mean, there's a clue in the name "lunch time", did you not spot it? Most of us select this period of the day to fill up with food to sustain us through the dark hours of the afternoon. Most of us like to pause from doing work at this time and spend a little while doing not-work. For some of us it's our only chance to actually engage with our co-workers and discover, through conversation and merry banter, that they're real human beings with interesting lives. We don't all feel the need to discuss project outcomes and risk management during this important midday hiatus, some of us prefer eating. Alas, there'll be no chance of eating a decent lunch today. There'll be a plate of curled-up sandwiches on the meeting table, ordered in advance from some limited corporate menu, each filled with an anonymous combination of green leaves and slop. Maybe there'll be a bowl of ready salted crisps and a selection of over-baked fatty parcels plus a token lump of fruit to round off the whole culinary non-event. Nothing filling, nothing tasty, nothing desirable. And all this because "lunch time" was the the only slot in the schedule you could find. There's a reason for that slot being empty, you idiot.
Whose idea was it to schedule a meeting after 5pm? And an important meeting too, one that I couldn't possible back out of. I mean, after five, that's just wrong. It's too late. We don't all stay at our desks into the evening, burning the midnight oil while the rest of London goes home. We're not all keen to drag out the day for as long as possible, just to show willing. Some of us are efficient enough to get all our work done before five, at which point we choose to go home rather than hanging around pointlessly in the office. Some of us are well past our peak by early evening, having been hard at work since early morning. We don't all feel the need to hang around after sunset to discuss stretch targets and portfolio enhancement. But today I'll be ending my day sitting in a room full of desperate clockwatchers, watching their evening ebb away as they struggle desperately to keep their eyes open. On and on until, eventually, that glorious phrase "well if there are no more questions" is heard and everyone stands up, grabs their coat and disappears out into the street. And all this because "after five" was the the only slot in the schedule you could find. There's a reason for that slot being empty, you idiot.
And whose idea was it to schedule all three of these meetings on the same day? That's my early morning blighted, and my lunchtime blighted, and my late afternoon blighted. That's my day unnecessarily extended to accommodate the scheduling inadequacies of others. That's three rounds of misery, three chunks of despair, three sessions of conversational inertia.
I have some real work to do today. I wonder when I'm going to fit it in.
