25 things I've learnt about sex over the last quarter century
1) Nothing ever prepares you for the first time... 2) ... not even the fact that the biology textbook always falls open at the same page 3) The first time is always a ghastly mistake (I'm extrapolating this from a single occurrence, obviously) 4) The second time isn't much better 5) It does get better eventually, but intermittently 6) Some people need it regularly and crave quantity over quality (oddly enough they're the unlucky ones) 7) Some people don't need it regularly and prefer quality to quantity (oddly enough they're the fortunate ones) 8) People in the former category should wash their sheets more often 9) You should always know where your towel is (ideally within arm's reach) 10) You always wish you were doing it more frequently than you actually are 11) Sometimes you can wait for months only for it to last for seconds 12) Remember, the other person's supposed to enjoy the experience at least as much as you are 13) People who you'd really like to do it with generally don't want to do it with you 14) People who'd really like to do it with you, you'd generally not touch with a bargepole 15) You only spot people you'd really like to do it with when it's impossible to make contact with them (eg at a funeral, on the opposite escalator, from the top of a bus, on the way into work) 16) Just because someone's gorgeous doesn't make them compatible 17) Always listen to the small inner voice that screams "no, don't" (because it's invariably correct) 18) Certain very bad things are actually terribly enjoyable 19) Unprotected, no other activity can either create a life or destroy it 20) Never do it without considering all the possible consequences 21) Never do it in a single bed and stay the night (your spine will regret it) 22) There's nothing worse than waking up next to someone you realise you shouldn't have done it with 23) There's nothing better than doing it, then falling asleep in the arms of the one you love... 24) ... just so long as they're thinking the same thing 25) You'll never forget the first time, but you'll never notice it's the last time
