diamond geezer

 Saturday, July 18, 2009

Screen 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (12A)
Please tick all that apply

Light comedy opening at Privet Drive
Swirly zoomy flight across London (including the not-entirely-convincing collapse of a London bridge)
Trip to Diagon Alley (when the film's released on DVD you'll be able to freezeframe and discover where in London it is)
Soppy moping lovelorn looks between various central characters
Smell of nachos with (very artificial) cheese sauce wafting up from the row in front
Platform 9¾
Hogwarts Express
Bloke in the seat to my right falling asleep and snoring loudly
New Professor drafted in for one film only (Jim Broadbent is really very good)
The oldest-looking sixth formers you ever did see (especially the six foot ones)
Outbreak of rampant Quidditch
Ron repeatedly pulling his comedy face
Bloke in the seat to my right waking with a start (and asking his wife where he is in an embarrassingly loud voice)
Round-framed glasses that used to be trendy back when the series started (but now so aren't)
Car chase (with big guns) across the streets of New York
Plenty more scenes with dopey-eyed looks and emotional fumblings
Occasional smiley chuckles, on cue, from the audience
The biggest dead spider you ever did see
Ron and Hermione, like, you know, finally
Harry and Ron's sister, like, you know, finally
Dripfed backstory (to try to explain what the hell's going on with that Voldemort bloke)
Feeling that a heck of a lot of plot has been sacrificed in order to achieve a coherent narrative
Bloke in the seat to my right nodding off so far that his glasses fall to the floor with a loud thump
Scary stuff in an unlikely cave
Daniel Radcliffe standing naked beside a stabbed horse
Ohmigod - a most unexpected death! (or would have been if only it hadn't been majorly spoilered back when the book came out)
Possibly the biggest film in the world this year about a school textbook
The most exciting final scene in the history of cinematography
Bloke to my right asking his wife to explain the plot on the way out
See you back in the cinema for the next one

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