Friday, August 21, 2009
Omigod, thelondonpaper is to close.
How will Londoners ever get home with only one newslite freebiesheet to read?
Simple, just print out the following and take it with you to read on the train every day.
CELEBRITY CELLULITE SCARE
It's awful, but have you seen the photos?LONDON CONTROVERSY RAGES
Some politics has happened, and people are very cross.ACCIDENTAL NIGHTMARE DEATH
Hopefully a cyclist somewhere, or a sliced-off bus top.WEATHER FORECAST
About 18, roughly, with showers. Don't forget to take a brolly.2 FOR 1 McDONALD'S VOUCHER
Because we know where our readers really go to eat.TEXT US YOUR OPINIONS
I like that Boris, and foreign tourists suck
(Katie, Croydon)KOOKY WEIRDNESS
We read about something strange in Thailand. Here's a photo.TUBE UPDATE
There were severe delays on the Jubilee at lunchtime, if that helps.LOTS OF PHOTOS OF HANDBAGS
You can lick them if you like. Mmm, handbags.CELEB BARES ALL ON TWITTER
They're just like you and me, aren't they, only more interesting.PET OF THE DAY
Awww, see the cuddly guinea pig, awww isn't she cute, so cute. Kitten tomorrow.WE'VE BEEN TO A PUB IN PUTNEY
Which is of bugger all interest to you where you live.A HILARIOUS COLUMNIST WRITES
Should they write for us again? txt YES/NO to 8011045LOVESTRUCK ON THE TUBE
green hair boy @Holborn, you was eyeing me up, fancy a shag?ASHES LATEST!
(except we went to print four hours ago, so our report's not that useful really)PRESS RELEASE RECYCLED
Blah blah blah blah cut and paste blah blah blahANOTHER PRESS RELEASE RECYCLED
This is cutting edge journalism, this is.TONIGHT'S TV HIGHLIGHTS
Sky 1, obviously, and there's another great Sky Movie at 9pm.YOU MAY HAVE MISSED OUR WORLD NEWS REPORT
It was at the bottom of page 5.NEW HOLLYWOOD MOVIE OUT SOON
Your favourite actress is in it, and she looks lush.SOMETHNG HAS HAPPENED IN ZONE 6
But nobody cares about the suburbs, so we don't either.EXTRA TOUGH SUDOKU
See if you can fill in the five empty squares (answers tomorrow).WE LOVE YOUR LOCAL FOOTBALL TEAM
And we have some groundless transfer speculation.Z-LIST GOSSIP
Remember this desperate publicity seeker? We're happy to oblige with a story.RUPERT WOULD RATHER YOU WERE READING THE SUN
But who pays for news any more? Damn.
It'll be just like thelondonpaper never went away.
...or read more in my monthly archives
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