Don't worry, there are still more than 100 days to go before <that event in December>.
But worry, because supermarkets are already stacking their shelves with <that event in December> foodstuffs.
I know, I shouldn't be surprised, it happens every year. But 15 weeks early?
Back of Sainsbury's, next to the fondant fancies and Mr Kipling's, a stack of shelves piled sort-of high with festive treats. Nothing yet on the top shelf, the one reserved for Hallowe'en-based comestibles. But the three shelves beneath are now packed with sugary Yuletide comfort food, as if fully prepared for the inevitable rush of seasonal shoppers. Only a couple more months to wait.
First, a whole array of Christmas cakes. Stodgy ones, luxury ones, icing-topped slabs wrapped in plastic, and thick round discs packed with almonds and peel. OK, September might be a sensible time of year to start making your own Christmas cake - there's plenty of mixing time, and it'll mature nicely in a tin at the back of the larder. But why buy a ready-made cake now instead, and then have to store it somewhere for umpteen weeks. It makes no sense whatsoever, and so selling Christmas cakes in September surely makes no sense either. Plus, come on, who actually likes Christmas cake anyway? It always sounds like a good idea in advance, but then you stuff yourself with turkey and roast and trimmings and stuffing and pud, and suddenly topping up your packed stomach with dried fruit mixture is the very last thing you fancy. Best left well alone.
Then the Christmas puddings. Lots of different types of pudding, from the luxury to the basic, and from the traditional to the toffee (er, yes, honest). There's even a ridiculously lowbrow pudding, proper family size, for a mere £1.09. I hate to think what baseline ingredients must have been used within (or, more likely, how huge the mark-up on the other puds must be). But again, why would anyone want to buy one now? Even Stir-up Sunday, when we're traditionally supposed to mix our Xmas Puddings, is more than two months off. But there are no baking ingredients on this shelf, only the finished article, and surely no takers. OK, so I bought one. A very small one, single-serving-size, of the sort that lonely people without families buy to eat during the Queen's Speech. 40 seconds in a microwave, ping. I bought three actually, because they were on 3 for 2 special offer, and because I haven't eaten one for months, and I like Christmas pudding I do. And I ate it last night with custard. Probably a mistake.
Then the mince pies. Boxes of six, because they always come in boxes of six, and again a choice of cheap or special. Usual problem, though - they won't keep. If you want mince pies to eat during Advent, you should buy them no earlier than November. The mince pies I scrutinised yesterday had a use-by date of 19 October - more than two months before the big day - which is just gobsmackingly pointless. And yet the supermarket wouldn't stock them if they couldn't sell them, would they? And shop-bought mince pies are always such a disappointment, aren't they? It's doesn't matter whether you pick Best or Basic, because they always taste not very nice. Dry sweet pastry with a dollop of mincemeat inside, sprinkled with sugar and then some twee festive design imprinted on the top. So incredibly different, and inferior, to anything home-made. Once you've tasted a fresh flaky mince pie hot from your oven, anything from a factory is surely a complete disappointment.
And finally the panettone (that's rich Italian fruit cake to you, squire). Hidden down on the bottom shelf, in a dark corner, where almost nobody's ever going to notice it. Not that anybody needs to, yet, obviously. And anyway this is Sainsburys in Stratford, not Waitrose at Canary Wharf. The local population aren't exactly known for their mass purchase of extravagant Mediterranean comestibles, but there they sit there on the shelf all the same. Even more of a waste of space than the other Yuletide goodies already appearing on our supermarket shelves.
Look, I apologise for mentioning <that event in December> so early, but they started it, not me. And I wish they'd stop. I also walked out of the store with six hot cross buns. Yum. And a Happy Easter to all my readers.
Don't worry, there are still more than 100 days to go before <that event in December>.
