I've had a sudden flurry of emails this week from PR folk wondering whether I might be interested in something they're promoting. They often start their emails by telling me how much they like reading my blog, so I guess they must keep missing the posts where I tell PR folk to stop sending me emails. I'm not the sort of blogger who waxes lyrical about ad campaigns and product endorsement - I write about what I want, not what others want. So it's clearly about time I published some more of their desperate requests for publicity, but with all the brand names heartlessly deleted. And I hope it's damned frustrating for all those concerned.
Hi Diamond Geeza! I came across your blog earlier and was really impressed with your piece on <the last thing I wrote> and thought that you would be a perfect person to get in touch with. I’m currently working with the founders and ex-directors of <four><bloody><huge><companies> who are just about to launch a new online ‘lifestyle’ venture and it would be great if you could find some time to get your feedback about it. We are trying to get some of London’s top bloggers along for a breakfast to let you know face to face how it’s going to work and how, hopefully, you and your readers can benefit or be involved. For example, if you, or your readers, suggested the top 5 'most desirable restaurants’ in London we could run that day’s offer in association with your blog or, as recommended by your blog.
I don't know about you, but that concept made me shudder. I am so not interested.
After my first email, I didn’t get receive any response from you. I would like to let you know that we are now offering 40€ to all UK bloggers who sign up and complete our <monetisation platform> campaign. The campaign consists of writing an article about <monetisation platform>, helping us promote our company. Here is a current example: <sample page of fawning drivel>
And you won't be getting any response to your second email either.
Hi there! I’m reaching out to let you know that <appalling name>, the leading men’s lifestyle email newsletter in the U.S. will be launching its London edition on Thursday, March 25th. Edited by veteran writer and London native, <never heard of him>, this free subscription email will arm London’s work-hard-play-hard fellas with targeted editorial recommendations that sift through the crap to find the best in food, drinks, services, gadgets, gear, sports, and travel in the capital.
Adverts masquerading as editorial, by the sound of it. Count me out already.
My name is Marty and I found your site at diamondgeezer.blogspot.com this morning. I like the site and would like to ask about possibly featuring a link to my client's online bingo site.
Sorry to get your hopes up, Marty, but absolutely not.
Hi Diamond Geezer! I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your blog from <thing I wrote about today> to <thing I wrote about last weekend> and <thing I wrote about last week>... To introduce myself, I'm a co-founder of <newly-launched website>, a London based startup that aims to make it easy for local people to find and share the kind of blogs that you have on your site.
Oh Nicola, they're not called blogs, they're called posts. And it sounds like you need me more than I need you.
Dear Sir/Madam, I have just been onto diamondgeezer.blogspot.com and was impressed by your content so I am interested to speak to you about working together in some way; I work for <stationery empire> the UK’s no1 online office supplies company. I feel that we could offer you some great content for your website and/or sponsor some of your existing activities in some way.
A week of ghost-written posts about staplers and ring binders? I think not.
Hi DG, I know that you’re a purveyour of a good night out in London, so I wanted to get in touch about <minor whiskey brand> which I thought would be of interest to your community because you and your readers know your stuff and I’d like to know what you think. I’d like to send you a bottle of <minor whiskey brand> to try and to let us know what you think. Naturally, there is no obligation to write or tweet about it, but if you do, I ask that you disclose I dropped you a line on behalf of <minor whiskey brand>. We’ve had a few bottles in the office over the past few weeks and everyone seems to have their own way of drinking it. Cola, lemonade and ginger ale are popular mixers, but let us know what works best for you.
That last paragraph is particularly clumsy, isn't it? Sorry Matt, but it sounds like drinking in the office has clouded your judgement.
So just to reiterate, if you're a social marketing guru with a product or service to pitch, please take the hint and go whore your goods elsewhere. Many thanks.