diamond geezer

 Thursday, May 20, 2010

Out of a Rainbow [based on a not-true story]

A great rainbow arcs over Stratford.

And down onto a giant steel fence where they're attaching the last razorwire surrounding the Olympic Stadium.

It's George's last day working on the 2012 site. Just enough time to steal two of the security cameras before he goes. They'll not be missed, because nobody'll notice two less cameras out of ten thousand. He slips them into his rucksack, hidden under a hi-vis jacket, and heads home. Should get a nice little earner for these two on the scrap metal market.

George dumps the two cameras in his garage. They can go on eBay later, he thinks, along with the lead he nicked off the church roof last week. And then he opens ten cans of lager and falls comatose onto the sofa.

A sprinkling of rainbow fairydust brings the two cameras to life, because this is a children's story innit. Arms and legs grow from the silver casing, plus a mysterious pointy helmet each and some coloured splodges. These look like the sort of cartoon creatures a focus group might create, assuming they believed a boggle-eyed cyclops was somehow endearing.

George's children take the camera monsters up to their bedroom and switch them on. See the big eyes swivel. See the red lights flash. Playtime is about to begin.
Hello, I'm Wembley, the official mascot for the London 2012 Olympic Games! My name is inspired by a north London suburb where the Games were held in 1948. Now it's got a really awful pitch, and is surrounded by a trading estate where you can buy carpets. The shape of the front of my head is based on the shape of a TV screen. My eye is a camera lens, capturing everything I see as I go. There's almost nothing I like more than making new friends, and then recording everything they do to use in evidence against them. I can't wait to meet as many people as possible in 2012, and then to check them all off against a visual database of known terrorists. I hope I'll not be ticking you off, and that you'll be my friend too?

Hi, I'm Westfield, the official mascot for the London 2012 Paralympic Games! My name is inspired by a west London shopping mall close to where the Games were held in 1908. Today the One Show is filmed on the actual site, but I'm named after the shops because the BBC couldn't offer as much money in sponsorship. My eye is a camera lens, capturing everything I see as I go. In my hands there are four carrier bags - recyclable of course. I'm on a mission to be the best I can possibly be. In fact I'm completely obsessed by trying to beat my personal best, and I get really depressed if I don't come top in everything. Because there's a moral to be learnt from the Olympics, which is that only three people get prizes and the other seven billion of us are all failures.
And then suddenly the rainbow is back (even though it's night-time and that's physically impossible). Wembley and Westfield's journey is just beginning. So many adventures to have. So many fat primary-age schoolchildren to inspire. So many plush cuddly toys and souvenir baseball caps to sell. And we'll meet them again and again in the run-up to London 2012. They'll be there. You'll be there. The whole collection of mascot-related souvenirs will be there. Please buy a one-eyed snake alien. And don't laugh.

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