I went to the Camden Green Fair yesterday. I was disgusted. A mob of namby pamby eco-activists had set up camp in Regent's Park - A Royal Park I'll have you know - and were busy hawking their dangerously liberal views to all and sundry. Her Majesty would have been be appalled.
Apparently this isn't the first Camden Green Fair. I can only assume the organisers again sneaked in while nobody in authority was looking, and set up their militant brainwashing circus overnight. An entire section of the park had been taken over, preventing hard-working families from practising touch rugby or opening their picnic hampers on the grass. What's more one of the park's roads had been hijacked by cyclists, no doubt peddling stolen bikes in full view of all and sundry. My heart went out to some of the local residents who'd not be able to take their Jags and Rollers for a spin around the Inner Circle while this Bikefest debacle continued.
Entrance to the fair was free! I mean, how will we ever instil good capitalist values in our citizens while such needlessly charitable practices continue? Visitors were welcomed by some racket I believe is classified as music, at least in certain foreign countries. In the central arena, needlessly tagged 'The Village Green', the main entertainment appeared to be a tug of war competition and some morris dancing. It was like stumbling upon some backward medieval civilisation, as if the Industrial Revolution and the invention of the Play Station had never happened. Frighteningly, several middle class children appeared to be enjoying the experience.
But it was in the tents around the perimeter that some of the greatest thought-crimes were being carried out. Does Camden really need a clothing 'swap shop' promoting 'sustainable fashion', when there are perfectly good boutiques in Primrose Hill whose recession-hit owners are staring bankruptcy in the face? Do children really need to hear tedious tales from Africa told by street-theatre collectives when they could instead have their souls stirred by the legend of St George? And could there be any justification in a rational society for the appearance of a 'Homeopathic' First Aid Tent? I'd like to see these people try to fix a broken ankle with a dab of crushed bladderwort.
Various ne'erdowell traders had set up stalls to flog undesirable services and dodgy homemade produce. I shuddered at the sheer pointlessness of urban beekeeping, and my stomach turned at the thought of 'real nappy making'. Some traders were even selling hemp-derived products in plain sight of teenagers and impressionable children! I was equally suspicious of those selling potted herbs, fake henna tattoos and 'real bread'. What's wrong with a good old sliced loaf, or even a Starbucks muffin for heavens sake? As for the catering tents, real English cider I can see the point of, but surely nobody in London would be interested in a tray full of falafel, tagine or vegan tiramisu. The waste afterwards must have been appalling.
It was refreshing, therefore, to see the world of banking so heavily promoted by the public-sector minions at Transport for London. Their new Cycle Hire scheme is to be sponsored by kindly philanthropists at Barclays, who in return get their good name plastered all over the bikes and associated publicity. One can only hope that cycling socialists will be inspired to open bank accounts and start share-dealing like the rest of us, or maybe even put their offspring through college and turn them into high-flying futures traders.
And yet how hypocritical to see so many supposedly green organisations distributing leaflets to all and sundry. I shudder to think how many trees had been needlessly murdered so that they could dish out their patronising tips on conscientious recycling. What is the justification for killjoy conservation activists frightening our children with stories of 'life after oil'? And why are there still so many volunteers attempting to give away reusable jute carrier bags with an earnest exhortation to 'save the planet'? Can there be anybody left in London who doesn't own one, or more likely ten, stashed unused and unfilled in the cupboard under the stairs?
What London needs next year is a Wealth Generation and Limousine Fair to balance out this one-sided eco-indoctrination event paid for out of council taxpayers' pockets. On such important initiatives the very future of our country depends.