See my flag! Flag in the window, flag on the car, four flags on the van. You gotta drape your house with flags, for the boys. For St George. For Ingerland!
Rooney, Crouchy, Coley! Gerrardy, Wright-Phillipsy, Terryy! Three lions!!! Capello's golden boys!! We proper love you (but in a manly way). Shame about Becksy though. And Rio, bloody tough luck Rio, inspiration to the team, twist of fate, first his groin then his ligaments, cruel innit, should have been up there in his moment of glory, leading out the team at the World Cup, always a great honour, you gotta feel for the lad, must be gutted, when we lose it'll be his fault.
Got me lager, got me nibbles, got me replica shirt, got me HD TV. Gonna drink myself comatose. Nipped down the supermarket, got 20 cans for a fiver, bargain! Gonna stuff my face during every match. Maccie D takeaway for the first half, sixpack of Walkers for the second half, pizza at half time. And a Mars Bar, cos they're well patriotic ain't they? I love my replica shirt, it makes me look just like one of the boys, only fatter obviously. And yay for big tellies, any match is better bigger, see the lads close up, every kick, every dribble, every gobbet of spit towards the touchline. So much telly to watch, hours of pre-match speculation, mega-pundit-city, let's go back and look at that again, what did you think Gary, even for crap matches with Honduras in, even gonna watch those, for days and days, luvvit luvvit, can't wait.
Brings the nation together, dunnit? Just like the Olympics, except people are actually interested. Like religion, only better cos there's more gods. True patriots always believe, every four years, without question. Proper tribal. I've been reading everything about it. Back pages of the newspaper every morning, dissecting every word. All the internet forums, lapping up the baseless speculation. I got every Panini sticker bar three, I have. I even got the Nationwide building society account. Blind devotion, no excuses.
It's Ingerland's year, innit? » First match USA, grudge match, gonna thrash the Yanks, two nil. » Second match Algeria, dunno where that is, bet it's a walkover, two nil. » Third match Slovenia, gonna take a sickie off work, proper needle match, two nil. » Then we're deffo up against the second team in Group D, that's Serbia innit, we can beat them, although it might be Ghana, whatever, or maybe Australia, like they're anything to worry about, just gotta avoid meeting Germany, mustn't end up second in our group or we might meet the bloody Germans, beaten 'em five one before, can do it again, puts us into the quarters, let me check my wallchart, probably Argentina, time to get revenge for the Hand of God, two nil, or could be France, we hate the French, they're a bit pants at the moment, we'd beat them in extra time, storming into the semis, fantastic, bound to be Brazil, bit worrying that, but our lads are proper good, unless it's Portugal, we always get Portugal, would be penalties for sure, kick it good Wayne, left hand side of the net, way to go, then it's Ingerland in the Finals oh yes, spirit of 66, us against North Korea, and they're crap, two nil! Championes!
You've got to hold and give, but do it at the right time, you can be slow or fast, but you must get to the line, they'll always hit you and hurt you, defend and attack, there's only one way to beat them, get round the back.
Flag on the roof, flags on the pub, two painted stripes on the face. And still time to stick another flag on the car. Because you can never have too many flags on the car. ING-EEEERRRRRRRRRRR-LAAAAAAH-AH-AH-AND!!!