I've been churning out this blog since September 2002, back when the idea of writing words into web browsers was still almost fresh. Things have moved on a long way since. Blogging peaked when half the world piled in, publishing their every thought online and clicking to read their favourite posts every day. But it's been in steady decline ever since. Why keep your own blog when updating your Facebook status is all anyone's interested in? Why waste time writing original stuff when tweeting a kitten video is so much easier? There's so much more competition now, most of it on platforms never even dreamt about when this blog started.
So I've decided to take the plunge and go mobile.
Yes, today I'm proud to announce the launch of the diamond geezer app. I've decided to call it iGeez. And it's available for download to your iPhone right now.
iGeez is a specially constructed iPhone app which brings a whole new dimension to your enjoyment of diamond geezer. Now you can carry my daily thoughts around in your pocket, digital-style. Now you need never miss another word that I write, even if you're on the train or in the middle of a field. Now you can read each day's posts on your iPhone screen, via an easily-downloadable app, wherever you might be. It's the future, and you can be part of it today.
And there's more. iGeez features a trans-London mapping interface, which uploads archived diamond geezer posts relevant to the part of town you're in. Walking through Wanstead, travelling in Twickenham or swanning through Soho, I've got hyperlocal content for you. Need to impress your friends with obscure trivia about a suburban high street, or track the course of a lost river across a godforsaken housing estate? It's all here at your fingertips. Even better you can ask iGeez to ignore posts located anywhere more than a certain distance away, so if I start wittering on about Weymouth or Norfolk or the Outer Hebrides, you can disregard the lot.
And it doesn't stop there. iGeez is a complete multi-functional experience, packed with everything the serious Londonophile needs to keep in touch. Discuss current events on the GeezerBook forum, where you can rant about the Olympics or check exhibition opening times or wax lyrical about your favourite cupcake outlet. Engage in real-time conversation with your diamond geezer chatmates, and maybe even meet up using time/location-specific geotags. Why sit at home mindlessly trawling the internet, when iGeez brings London alive in your hand?
And that's not all. A unique amalgamation of blended webfeeds enables iGeez to keep on top of what London really thinks. If Boris sneezes, you'll be the first to know. If there's been a bus stop relocation in Zone 6 somewhere, iGeez will keep you updated. Watch the latest video clips of cyclists crashing red lights, and listen to audio diaries uploaded by angry citizens in your postcode. There's even a scrolling list of London's Top 10 museums, updated minute by minute, which you can influence via Twitter using the special #igeez hashtag. If you live in London, or used to live in London, or want to live in London, iGeez is the place to be.
And one more thing. iGeez comes complete with a unique exclusive map showing the location of all of London's MetropolitanDrinkingFountainsandCattleTroughs. Walk within 100 yards of one of these special artefacts and your iPhone will vibrate whilst a bright yellow locator-pin pops up on the special on-screen map. This cartographic gem isn't available elsewhere, but with iGeez you need never overlook another chunk of Victorian granite again. A truly unmissable application, I'm sure you'll agree.
Most importantly, iGeez costs £2.99. After eight years of providing diamond geezer for free, I've learnt my lesson. There's no point generating unique content day in day out for no financial recompense. The world wide web's free access model has failed to reward content providers for their efforts, and the financial battle online is lost. So it's onward and upward into the mobile arena, where data upload costs, and where nobody bats an eyelid when forking out money for digital services rendered. Users of iPhones are more than willing to pay for anything, it seems, even stuff they can get for free elsewhere. So please sign up for iGeez today, and make an old geezer very happy.