diamond geezer

 Sunday, March 27, 2011

Please complete your census questionnaire on 27 March 2011. Taking part in the census is very important and it is also compulsory. It is used to help plan and fund services for your community - services like transport, education and health. So help tomorrow take shape and be part of the 2011 Census.

Your personal internet access code is

C1: Who usually lives here?
The rest of the family
We have an illegal immigrant hiding in the shed

C2: Who else is staying overnight on 27 March 2011?
Auntie Brenda, if she drinks too much sherry tonight
Some random bloke I met on Grindr
We have an illegal immigrant hiding in the shed

C3: What type of accommodation is this?
mansion (semi-detached or otherwise)
pebbledash and crazy-paving
under the arches by Waterloo station → Go to C5

C4: In total, how many cars are owned by members of this household?
(include any cars you can no longer afford to run because the price of petrol is extortionate)

C5: What is your name, Person 1?
C6: What is your sex? Male  Female  Other
C7: What is your date of birth?

C8: On 27 March 2011, what is your legal marital or same-sex civil partnership status?

C9: If you were not born in the United Kingdom, how quickly can we convince you to leave?

C10: How is your health, in general?

C11: How would you describe your national identity? British  Foreign
C12: How well can you speak English? Well  I speak good  Que?

C13: What is your favourite colour?

C14: Have you ever worked? Yes → Go to C15  No → Go to C16
C15: What is (was) your specific job title? eg ARMS DEALER
C16: What is your dream job title? Banker  Pop megastar  Big Society Librarian  Any job would do

C17: This question is intentionally left blank → Go to C18

C18: Which of these qualifications do you have?
Degree plus £50K in debt
GCSE Woodwork
Cub scout or Brownie badge

C19: What is your religion? God  Allah  Yoda  Dawkins

C20: Census information is usually kept confidential for 100 years. Please tick here if you are willing to share your personal data sooner than that.
in 2071, to aid family tree research
in 2021, when personal privacy is outlawed
in 2014, sold off to corporate marketing lists

Untick this box unless you do not want to not fail to receive promotional information from carefully selected media partners

Declaration: This questionnaire has been completed to the best of my knowledge and belief. I have not told outright lies nor attempted to complete it while drunk.

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