diamond geezer

 Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sorry if this feels a bit soon, but PR/marketing requests continue to fire limply into my inbox. For fear of repeating myself, can I please say this again? No, I do not promote stuff on this blog, so don't waste my time asking.
Dear Dogdy Geezer,
Hope you are having a lovely day so far!
Well I was, Julie, until you called me Dodgy Geezer (and misspelled it).
I was browsing online and came across your website, and was wondering if you would be interested in writing about a first time in the world event happening in London this summer? The event is called <animal-related event>.
Asking me a question like "would you be interested...?" is very dangerous, Julie, because it begs the answer "I couldn't give a ..."
It would be fantastic if you could write about it as we believe this will be an extremely exciting and attention grabbing topic for your readers. The event has already featured in several magazines, websites and newspapers and will also soon be featuring on Groupon.
Sorry Julie, but my readers aren't the sort to whore themselves on Groupon, let alone buy cut-price vouchers for crocodile-petting.
Hi there,
You may have heard that <major London store> is hosting <Maritime Event>, a month long celebration of our oceans to highlight the issue of over-fishing. We’d love to get Diamond Geezer involved, would you be interested in supporting the cause on your blog? We can provide you with content and images to structure a post around, or a press release if you’d prefer?
Hi Annaliese, do I look like the sort of uninspired blogger who cuts-and-pastes promotional guff?
NEWS RELEASE: 23.05.2011 - North West business leaders supporting Todmorden Curve
North West business leaders are coming out in support of the vital Todmorden Curve rail link that could see faster trains running on a direct connection between Burnley and Manchester by 2014.
I know I write too much about tedious railway stuff, Julian, but your geographical targeting is about 150 miles out.
North London <Street Art> Walk
Hi there just a quick note to invite you to this event. Feel free to pop along and bring anybody along. Maybe even list it in your events for other to join us. See you there, if not take care and thank you for your time.
Oh Reuben, each sentence there is more hopelessly optimistic than the one before.
Hello,
I am contacting you because your blog is within the top 100, most popular London blogs, and I am convinced that our startup could be interesting and useful for you. We have recently launched <advertising "supermarket">, which is an advertising "supermarket", which provides a complimentary way for web publishers, bloggers or forum users to monetize almost any content they create on the Internet.
Sorry Jordan, but your email is within my top 10 least popular marketing requests. There is no monetization here, as you really ought to have noticed.
Hi
Excuse the email out of the blue, we have a project coming up that might be of interest to you & your blog, here comes the PR bit...
You know Sam, if ever there was a perfect opening sentence that guaranteed your email ending up into my Deleted Items, that would be it.

It's clear that none of the marketing folk above actually bothered to read my blog before sending their wholly-mistargeted emails. For fear of repeating myself, can I please say this again? No, I do not promote stuff on this blog, so don't waste my time asking.


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