One of the unfortunate things about being quoted in a BBC News story or having your Tweet repeated by the Daily Mail is that PR folk suddenly notice you and decide you might be interested in something they're trying to flog. "I thought you'd like this", they say, or "I've got some information your readers might be interested in." They think wrong. They haven't bothered reading my blog properly, they've simply assumed I must cut and paste promotional blurb to fill my site because in their world everybody does. I wish they'd read the pop-up message that appears when you try to click on the contact link in my sidebar... "marketing emails not welcome, thanks". But they don't, and my inbox continues to fill with unwanted spam.
So, let's see what vacuous rubbish the PR world has sent me in the last few weeks. Starting with three mindbogglingly feeble surveys.
Hi there, Hope you are well. Thought you might be interested in research released today (attached) to show that people who keep houseplants are seen as superior lovers - thought it might be right up your street for your blog.
You're very much mistaken, Louise. Do you get paid for circulating this drivel?
Most road accidents in the capital happen on a Friday, according to new London Ambulance Service emergency response statistics.
No they don't, Andrew, that's just a sloppy headline you've written to try to promote a new car seatbelt.
Hi there, Hope you’re well – thought the below following might be of interest to you. 54 per cent of commuters are worried that London's underground system won't be able to cope with the Olympic games.
If that were 4% or 94% it'd be of interest, Bryony, but 54% isn't newsworthy at all.
Hey! My name’s Jenny and I work at <campaigning animal charity>. As one of the leading blogs in the UK we would like to send you content from time to time that you may be interested in. Please let me know if you would like to receive content from us and I’ll add you to our list.
I have never heard of your blog, Jenny, so I'd rather not pollute mine with your celeb-filled eco-petulance.
We would like to invite you and a friend to The Thames Festival on London's Southbank this year as part of our <TV gameshow> campaign. <Chocolate company> is bringing this TV show, massive in the States and Australia, to the UK this summer as part of its sponsorship of the <Five Ring Circus>. We are offering you festival entry from the 10th-11th of September, where you will have the chance to take part in <TV gameshow> games, as well as a full tour of the <chocolate company> arena. We will also pay for transport to and from the event. We would ideally like an online mention on your blog which features a description of the <TV gameshow> gameshow which is coming to the UK, photo content, which we can provide, of the <chocolate company> arena and a link to the <media campaign> website.
You don't ask much, do you Jack? I'm sorry, but I can't be bought for a Creme Egg and the chance to meet <former soap actor>.
Hi there! We loved reading your blog. I'd like to personally invite you for a competition we launched in the UK and that I think you might find interesting. Throughout the year, <Eastern European airline>'s business class flights are doing something a little special: they're serving cuisine from <Eastern European country>’s top chefs. We’re offering the winner of this competition – a blogger – a free business class round trip between London and <Eastern European city> with this unique dining experience. So how can you take part? All you need to do is write a post answering these questions...
Stop right there, Kai. I am not whoring my blog for a freebie solo flight to Eurovision Central.
Underneath our feet, away from the omnipresent Thames, a hidden network of rivers snakes beneath the capital. <Book about London's lost rivers> takes the reader along their routes through a series of ten walks. This unique book combines hand drawn maps with fascinating histories to rediscover the rivers, chart their origins and explore their eventual decline and disappearance.
You fool, Sam. I was going to feature your client's new book on my blog, because I'm a huge fan of lost rivers. But then you sent me a PR email about it, and I never blog about anything I'm sent in a PR email. Own goal, I'm afraid.
So, please, don't repeat Sam's mistake. If you're ever planning to send me a promotional email, no matter how worthy the cause, save time by firing it into your deleted items first. Because that's where I'm sending it once it arrives.