diamond geezer

 Thursday, October 13, 2011

A message to PR types and branding gurus
My blog does not promote products and services sent to me by email.
Please don't waste your time, and mine, with unsolicited advertising.

But still they come - thick, and fast.
Hey DG, hope you are well...
Thought I would drop you a line about our coming launch in London. The events are going to be pretty unique, with the customer having to pay nothing. Anyway let us know if you want to follow up with me on this?
Best, aaron
Aaron's sent me one of the most hyperbole-stuffed PR emails I've received all year, which I thought I'd share with you. So as not to promote the expensive luxury product he represents, I'm going to replace the name of his brand with the word Silage, his market sector with custard, his agency with the word Muckspreader and his campaign title with Stench. Other words may also have been replaced for concealment purposes.
SILAGE custard appoint Muckspreader to launch STENCH™
SILAGE is set to launch its first consumer campaign in the UK. The <foreign> custard brand has developed a cult following in the UK amongst the top end custard-trade, built on the back of its seminal Custard World Cup. SILAGE is created near a world benchmark for air purity and takes its name from the factory location, <factory location>. Targeted at the premium custard market, the brand is looking to become a staple of both the on and off-trade markets across the UK. In addition to SILAGE Pure custard, the brand has a range of flavoured variants: <fodder>, <slime>, <manure> & <gunk>.
Aaron has made two crucial mistakes. Firstly, to assume that I might be coerced into promoting his premium custard. And secondly, that what he's written in his speculative email is somehow inherently interesting.
The new campaign, ‘STENCH™’, has been created by Muckspreader and gives a unique <foreign> take on SILAGE’s purity story: utilizing the line “Stench in the air, Stench in the water, STENCH™ in the custard”. The campaign will launch with experiential, social & in-store activity, with consumers given the chance to pay for SILAGE with ‘Stench’. The payment method will change every week & will be only be found on the brand’s Facebook page (www.facebook.com/Silage).
You'd have to live in a bubble to assume that anyone outside PR world is excited by the promise of "experiential, social & in-store activity". But any agency which references its own name as frequently as the name of the product it promotes surely lives in just such a bubble.
Muckspreader Founding Partner, <name> said: ‘SILAGE has a history of bold & iconoclastic marketing, and we're looking forward to taking the brand to the next level. Muckspreader is an agency that loves to break convention, so we're delighted to be working with a brand of the same ambition in a category stuffed full of convention."
Taking the brand to the next level? Sheesh, has this agency no creative originality? The fascinating thing about what Aaron's boss has written is that his words could apply to almost any product - be that a restaurant, a fridge freezer or caravan holiday. In this case, obviously, it's custard.
SILAGE Marketing Controller <name> said: “Muckspreader have given us STENCH™ and we love it. The campaign is a perfect blend of our modern heritage and a simple truth - delivered in our inimitable <foreign> ‘truthful’ voice. We think those working in the Creative Industries are now looking for more depth and truth in their custard than that provided by the likes of <Competitor> with their annual limited edition packs. We look forward in the coming years, with Muckspreader’s help, to telling it as it is with STENCH™”
More vacuous brandspeak there, from a Marketing Controller seemingly more excited by the campaign than by the product itself. I'm especially intrigued by the concept of "modern heritage", as well as the suggestion that custard somehow blends "depth and "truth".
If you need to ask us anything at all then please do not hesitate to get in touch.
Thanks, Aaron
So, if you're out on the swankier side of London in the near future, Aaron would like you to open your wallet to Silage. It's not the custard you'd usually choose, it's rather pricey, but this brand is wholly different because it's packed with pure Stench. Remember too, with every purchase, that some of your money is helping to keep Aaron and everyone at his PR agency in gainful employment. And, alas, expect far more Silage from Muckspreader in the future.

<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>

click to return to the main page

...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream