diamond geezer

 Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I saw a celebrity on Saturday night. A celebrity on the tube. Imagine my excitement. An actual celebrity on the actual tube. There I was minding my own business on the Central line when I looked up and there he was. Jack Whitehall, the actual Jack Whitehall, sitting there on the opposite side of the carriage. You know Jack, he's in that sitcom on Channel 4, the one with the flat-sharing students. And he's in that sitcom on BBC3, the one with the unprofessional teachers. And he does stand-up.

"Blimey it's the actual Jack Whitehall," I thought, "unless it's some bloke who looks incredibly like him but in fact isn't." I tried not to stare, because it's only polite, but I did keep looking up surreptitiously from my newspaper every so often to confirm it really was him. By the fifth glance I was pretty sure, and by the tenth almost certain. I don't think he noticed. "How exciting," I thought. "I can't wait to tell everybody about this, the actual Jack Whitehall!" But when I did get round to telling my friends, later that evening, all they said was "Jack Who?" I was almost heartbroken by their ignorance, so I'm delighted to be able to tell you lot instead. Jack got on at Holborn, probably, I didn't register precisely at the time. And he stayed on until Liverpool Street, at which point he nipped off to visit whatever exciting social venue it is that proper celebs attend on Saturday night. I bet it was Shoreditch, unless it wasn't.

You'll be interested I'm sure to hear what he was wearing. It's good to get sartorial tips from an actual style icon, I reckon, and close-up too. Jack was in sort-of trendy clothes, more hip and happening than mine, which if I'd been more fashion aware I could have described to you at length. Some sort of blue top, probably a jacket - I couldn't tell you what label. Trousers, not jeans, but nothing obviously special. And brown leather shoes, definitely lighter rather than darker, looking well-worn and comfy. Jack looked about the same age as he does on the telly, which was reassuring, and he had all the same facial hair I might have expected.

And he was with a woman! She was shorter than him, same sort of age, with a big smile and longish hair. Sorry, I really can't describe her either, I was too busy looking at Jack to pay her due attention. I shall never make it as a gossip columnist, for which I apologise. But I'm pretty sure this woman wasn't his girlfriend, or at least not the last girlfriend the Daily Mail saw him with. And there was another bloke with them too, sat to Jack's right! He had the look of sidekick about him, I'd say, for what it's worth. He was still on the young side - shorter, thickset, a mere acquaintance. This bloke's attempts at growing a beard were all but non-existent, so he definitely wasn't a relation. But wow, here was my very own celebrity threesome, on the Central line, in full view!

I was so pleased I'd walked all the way up to the front carriage, otherwise I might have missed out on the sheer coincidental brilliance of it all. Me and an actual celebrity, on the tube, in close proximity! It was a tabloid showbiz editor's dream. As the owner of a long-established media presence, I knew it was my duty to whip out a camera and take a photo of Jack to share with you. Everybody loves a picture of a celebrity incognito on the tube, it's one of the best things ever. But I didn't feel comfortable taking one, nor in getting out my phone and slyly pointing the lens in his general direction. It would have felt wrong, and highly uncomfortable, so all my photographic devices stayed firmly in my pocket. I believe that everyone deserves a bit of privacy on the tube, even Putney-based celebrities, rather than some starstruck blogger snapping away and then gleefully posting blurry pictures of them online. Sorry, you must be so terribly disappointed this morning.
 I saw a celebrity on Saturday night. A proper celebrity in a chocolate factory, and only a few feet away from me. Imagine my excitement. An actual celebrity in the actual flesh. There I was minding my own business in a darkened room when I looked up and there she was. Jane Asher, the actual Jane Asher, standing there on the opposite side of the floor. You know Jane, she used to be in films in the Sixties, She's the party cake queen with her own business and a sugarcraft fixation. And she did Crossroads.

"Blimey it's the actual Jane Asher," I thought, "unless it's my auntie in make-up, because she does look incredibly like her but in fact isn't." I tried not to stare, but it was dark so I assumed she wouldn't mind, not least because I'd paid good money to be here. "How exciting," I thought. "The actual Jane Asher. I can't wait to tell everybody about this." But there was no point telling my friends, later that evening, because they were sitting next to me so they already knew. Jane had wandered in through some classical fa├žade made up to look like an Oxbridge college, I forget precisely which one. And then she hung around for about an hour, on and off, before bowing sweetly and disappearing forever through some patio doors.

You'll be interested I'm sure to hear what she was wearing. It's good to get vintage sartorial tips from an actual style icon, I reckon, and close-up too. Jane was dressed as if for a long voyage, in what would once have been fashionable clothes, but no longer. Some sort of blue dress, with pleated sleeves and a scalloped bodice. Probably a crinoline underneath, unless I've got that very wrong, which I might well have done. A lace blouse, like you'd wear every day if you were an 1890s heiress, adorned with a silver brooch. And a hat too, a huge broad-brimmed hat topped with flowers and a few feathers, utterly completely over the top. Jane looked about the same age as she does on the telly, which was impressive given that she hasn't been on the telly for a while.

And she was with a man! He was younger than her, with a beaky nose and mischievous smile. It was that Mathew Horne, the Gavin off Gavin and Stacey, dressed in a black dress and pretending to a woman. He was masquerading as Charley's Aunt, and upstaging Jane who actually was Charley's Aunt, due to some convoluted but convenient plot twist. I shall never make it as a stage reviewer, for which I apologise. And there was another bloke with them too, red and puffy in a top hat, storming around. He used to be either Hale or Pace, one or the other, I never could remember which was which. And several more thespians too, including one bloke who was Tarrant in Blake's Seven, although I had to have that pointed out to me afterwards because he's changed a bit. But wow, my very own celebrity ensemble, on Southwark Street, in full view!

I was so pleased I'd taken up the last minute offer of a theatre ticket, otherwise I might have missed out on the sheer brilliance of it all. Me and some actual proper celebrities, in the same room, acting out some revived Victorian crowdpleaser. The plot was a bit light, and simultaneously contrived, but that was OK because the whole thing was meant to be a farce anyway. Tightly performed by the entire cast, I thought, rattling thick and fast throughout the entire three act session. And whilst Mathew was notionally the star, the other actors excelled in their performances. Even Jane. Especially Jane. The actual Jane who does the cakes, performing to 150 of us squashed into the back room of a converted chocolate factory. I wonder sometimes whether London theatre would survive if we didn't come flocking to watch our favourite celebrities in "Never Mind What The Play Is, I'm Here to See Jane." And Mathew, obviously.

<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>

click to return to the main page

...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
life viewed from london e3

email    twitter    G+

my flickr photostream

What's on this weekend?
Wed 19th - Sun 23rd October
Bloomsbury Festival
It's free to visit the Foundling Museum this weekend.

twenty blogs
ian visits
blue witch
city metric
the great wen
edith's streets
spitalfields life
in the aquarium
round the island
wanstead meteo
london museums
christopher fowler
ruth's coastal walk
london reconnections
dirty modern scoundrel

quick reference features
Things to do in Outer London
The DG Tour of Britain
Comment Value Hierarchy

read the archive
Oct16  Sep16
Aug16  Jul16  Jun16  May16
Apr16  Mar16  Feb16  Jan16
Dec15  Nov15  Oct15  Sep15
Aug15  Jul15  Jun15  May15
Apr15  Mar15  Feb15  Jan15
Dec14  Nov14  Oct14  Sep14
Aug14  Jul14  Jun14  May14
Apr14  Mar14  Feb14  Jan14
Dec13  Nov13  Oct13  Sep13
Aug13  Jul13  Jun13  May13
Apr13  Mar13  Feb13  Jan13
Dec12  Nov12  Oct12  Sep12
Aug12  Jul12  Jun12  May12
Apr12  Mar12  Feb12  Jan12
Dec11  Nov11  Oct11  Sep11
Aug11  Jul11  Jun11  May11
Apr11  Mar11  Feb11  Jan11
Dec10  Nov10  Oct10  Sep10
Aug10  Jul10  Jun10  May10
Apr10  Mar10  Feb10  Jan10
Dec09  Nov09  Oct09  Sep09
Aug09  Jul09  Jun09  May09
Apr09  Mar09  Feb09  Jan09
Dec08  Nov08  Oct08  Sep08
Aug08  Jul08  Jun08  May08
Apr08  Mar08  Feb08  Jan08
Dec07  Nov07  Oct07  Sep07
Aug07  Jul07  Jun07  May07
Apr07  Mar07  Feb07  Jan07
Dec06  Nov06  Oct06  Sep06
Aug06  Jul06  Jun06  May06
Apr06  Mar06  Feb06  Jan06
Dec05  Nov05  Oct05  Sep05
Aug05  Jul05  Jun05  May05
Apr05  Mar05  Feb05  Jan05
Dec04  Nov04  Oct04  Sep04
Aug04  Jul04  Jun04  May04
Apr04  Mar04  Feb04  Jan04
Dec03  Nov03  Oct03  Sep03
Aug03  Jul03  Jun03  May03
Apr03  Mar03  Feb03  Jan03
Dec02  Nov02  Oct02  Sep02
back to main page

diamond geezer 2015 index
diamond geezer 2014 index
diamond geezer 2013 index
diamond geezer 2012 index
diamond geezer 2011 index
diamond geezer 2010 index
diamond geezer 2009 index
diamond geezer 2008 index
diamond geezer 2007 index
diamond geezer 2006 index
diamond geezer 2005 index
diamond geezer 2004 index
diamond geezer 2003 index
diamond geezer 2002 index

my special London features
a-z of london museums
E3 - local history month
greenwich meridian (N)
greenwich meridian (S)
the real eastenders
london's lost rivers
olympic park 2007
great british roads
oranges & lemons
random boroughs
bow road station
high street 2012
river westbourne
trafalgar square
capital numbers
east london line
lea valley walk
olympics 2005
regent's canal
square routes
silver jubilee
unlost rivers
cube routes
capital ring
river fleet

ten of my favourite posts
the seven ages of blog
my new Z470xi mobile
five equations of blog
the dome of doom
chemical attraction
quality & risk
london 2102
single life
april fool

ten sets of lovely photos
my "most interesting" photos
london 2012 olympic zone
harris and the hebrides
betjeman's metro-land
marking the meridian
tracing the river fleet
london's lost rivers
inside the gherkin
seven sisters

just surfed in?
here's where to find...
diamond geezers
flash mob #1  #2  #3  #4
ben schott's miscellany
london underground
watch with mother
cigarette warnings
digital time delay
wheelie suitcases
war of the worlds
transit of venus
top of the pops
old buckenham
ladybird books
acorn antiques
digital watches
outer hebrides
olympics 2012
school dinners
pet shop boys
west wycombe
bletchley park
george orwell
big breakfast
clapton pond
san francisco
children's tv
east enders
trunk roads
little britain
credit cards
jury service
big brother
jubilee line
number 1s
titan arum
doctor who
blue peter
peter pan
feng shui
leap year
bbc three
vision on
ID cards