It's been almost six months since I last reminded PR folk and marketeers not to bother sending me stuff. That's because sending me stuff is counter-productive. I have a rule that if you send me an email about an event, a campaign, a website or whatever, I can guarantee I won't blog about it. Please, don't waste your time on me, go splatter your publicity machine elsewhere instead.
Here are some of the choicer promotions I've been sent recently, with the campaigns shamed but not named.
Today <London charity> is beta launching <a map of stuff near you> <blah de blah de blah>. We wondered if you would be interested covering this new site on Twitter or on your blog. I really like the long content on Diamond Geezer, especially the Bakerloo line series of posts. Perhaps we could even chat about a long content post on unknown or unusual <locations> using the map?
No Tom, my blog doesn't work like that. I come up with the ideas, not you. Plus your map of stuff near me doesn't have anything near me. Fail.
Hi there 'Diamond Geezer'
I have noticed that on your page http://diamondgeezer.blogspot.co.uk/2007_04_01_diamondgeezer_archive.html the link you provide for the Royal Opera House is broken as the website has expired. As broken links are harmful to websites, may I suggest a suitable replacement? <Page on Rebecca's website> has in-depth advice on travel, box office and ticket booking information, a list of the theatre's facilities, nearby restaurants and hotels as well as detailed information on upcoming shows.
I don't replace five year-old broken links, Rebecca. And if I did, I'd link back to the Royal Opera House, not your opportunist website.
Hi London Geezer,
I hope you’re well. I’m Kate and I’m contacting you on behalf of <accommodation company> who has just released an infographic marking the London Underground’s 150th birthday. There are some amazing facts and even a couple of stats that creeped me out. Nevertheless, this infographic is a fantastic way to celebrate a remarkable achievement.
Your infographic was also wrong, Kate. If I had published your sponsored infographic, I would also have ridiculed it.
Good Morning! I hope you’re well.
Huge apologies for the late notice, but we’ve just been told we’re able to invite a couple more guests to an event tonight at <East End hotel> – you’d be very welcome to take a friend or colleague. It starts at 7pm - please see invitation below - essentially cocktail making, delicious food and music from DJ Teamy (who’s pretty good!). Let me know if you fancy popping along.
Thanks for highlighting that I'm a second-class last-minute invitee, Jess. But I can imagine few things more uncomfortable than a mystery night out mixing cocktails in a loud room with strangers. Please give your freebie to someone a little shallower.
To whom it may concern,
I am looking to see if I can write articles for your site. I write articles for a site at the moment. I am looking to get links to a property development finance related site from your blog and hope that there might be a way that I could provide some interesting and unique content as well. I understand this is a London Underground blog site, so might not be that appropriate.
You have to wish James well in his job search. I fear it's not going well.
Let’s celebrate one of the most important days of the year, the National Women’s Day! Live, Love, Laugh for longer. <Nutritional product> is a great anti oxidant supplement designed to provide strong nutritional support for the heart and other vital organs of the body.
Well done Kasia, that's a supremely patronising and misdirected campaign. Let's not celebrate that at all.
I'm emailing you about a new video for <crinkle cut rice snacks> involving people dressed as mice running on a life-size hamster wheel. The video is a sequel to the extremely well received <crinkle cut rice snacks>-o-matic video from this past summer. I thought the video would be something your viewers would enjoy because of how amusing it is.
Hi Shawn. You thought wrong.
How are you? I hope you’re well.
I am working with one of our clients at the moment on a rather exciting car challenge. We would give you one of the cars and the challenge would be to see how far you can get over a two day period, you would be asking your Twitter and Facebook fans for advice/guidance. We would give you budget for a hotel, and you would not have to pay for petrol. The person that gets the furthest away can win a set amount of money.
I wondered if this be something you be would be interested in, do let me know as we are only involving 5 bloggers in this project – it is super exciting, so let me know and I can tell you more details soon.
Wow. Sometimes, when you're a blogger, top offers like this drop into your inbox and you'd be a fool to say no. I said no. I don't know who Gemma found to go in my place, but I don't remember reading about their exploits anywhere.
As you'll know, <the observation deck at the top of a very tall spiky building> is opening in February, and I wondered whether you might want a free ticket up to the top? We wouldn't force you to write about it, except obviously you would, because this is <the observation deck at the top of a very tall spiky building>. So we'll see you soon?
Actually, this was an email I didn't get. Large numbers of London bloggers did, both amateur and professional, and they all (rightly) posted their photos and experiences online. But no PR person offered me a ticket, and for that I say a genuine thankyou. Someone's got the message that emailing me promotional stuff is entirely counter-productive. If only the others would learn the same.