diamond geezer

 Friday, June 28, 2013

Annual Report

Name: Emmy-Rae Cable Carr
Class: 1Y
Date: 28th June 2012 - 28th June 2013

 B A most impressive year. You have spanned the Thames with elegance and panache, at a much higher level that all your bridge and tunnel classmates. You rose up fast, and have continued to hold your own on the skyline. However you have a tendency to stop working during inclement weather, and this irregular performance is holding you back.
ENGLISH A You have written some lovely stories over the last year. Possibly your finest work of fiction was that you will "bridge people closer, enabling them to discover, connect and express their ideas about this diverse city through crossing its majestic river, providing an incredible travel experience for residents, commuters and visitors alike". I was also particularly proud of the idea that you were "transforming the surrounding area into a vibrant new metropolitan quarter", and that you offer "jaw-dropping views" of London's skyline. Keep this up, Emmy-Rae, and a career in marketing awaits.
MATHS D Numbers have not been your strong point. You started out well at the beginning of the year, showing promise in addition and multiplication. However progress was less positive after Summer Sports Day, with much more of an emphasis on subtraction. Recent test results have been disappointing, with scores in June noticeably lower than in November. Must try harder.
 A- Well done Emmy-Rae. You have embraced your role as cultural ambassador, and we often hear you engaging in conversations in many different languages. You appear to have a particular affinity for the oriental tongues, but French and German are also highly prized. Given your relative inability to communicate with surrounding native speakers, your future success rests on speaking the same language as foreign tourists.
GEOGRAPHY C A solid start, but lacking somewhat in map skills. A tweak of physical geography might see you following a more useful route, one that others could regularly follow. However you appear set in your ways and unable to make the necessary changes.
ECONOMICS E No matter how you try to dress up your performance, your compliance with basic economic theory has been weak. You have not grasped the fundamental concept that income must be greater than expenditure, and your attempts at attracting sponsorship have fallen short of expectations. Unless you can encourage greater public consumption, or else become an integrated part of a wider network, you will continue to be a net drain on resources that this school can ill afford.
ART B+ I loved your early work entitled "Transporting Cabins of Air across the River", which showed flair and genuine bravado. Your three dimensional sculpture has also made great visual impact across a wide part of East London. However I've had to mark you down for that ghastly red colour you insist on using in all your artwork. A broader palette would improve your outlook.
 C- You certainly have a lot of faith, in yourself, but it's possible this is misplaced. Whatever you do next year, don't start asking yourself the big questions "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?", else you may disappear in a puff of self-realisation.
CITIZENSHIP D Your basic problem, Emmy-Rae, is that you don't ship enough citizens.
Punctuality: Wakes late on a Sunday
Behaviour: Repeatedly suspended
Attendance: 2,404,882
Teacher's comment: It's been a pleasure to have you in my class this year. Even though your progress has been slow, you always stand out from the crowd and hold your head up high. I know the other children don't seem to like you very much, and tend to stay away, but I'm sure they'll interact with you again one day. Whatever hurtful things the bullies say, rest assured that I will always support you. Mr D. Price
Headteacher's comment: I always thought you showed great promise, Emmy-Rae, and your super soaraway success has proved me right. You fly across our school with vim and vigour, connecting lives and reducing congestion. With you in place, I know that I have left a stonktastic legacy for future generations to admire. I look forward to even greater success next year. Mr B. Johnson

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