diamond geezer

 Thursday, September 05, 2013

25 ways to cycleproof London

1) Demand that all trucks and lorries are fitted out with side guards so that no cyclist can fall under them.
2) Ban all trucks and lorries from using London's roads between 8am and 9am, and between 5pm and 6pm - the 'Cyclesafe Hour'.
3) Train all cyclists in the art of Defensive Cycling, including all 12 year-olds in the first year of secondary school.
4) Send all lorry drivers on a week-long course entitled "Cyclists and how to notice them".
5) Divert all vehicular traffic away from certain roads in the city, designated Bikerways, to create a safe linked network across London.
6) Make the wearing of cycle helmets compulsory (three million blue "Barclays" helmets to be distributed for free).
7) Add advance stop lines at every road junction in central London.
8) Close some pavements and force pedestrians to go round the long way, giving cyclists an official off-road ride.
9) Ban lorries from turning left (n.b. will require reprogramming of satnavs).
10) Enforce the existing rule which says that cyclists jumping red lights should be fined £50, and use the accumulated millions to upgrade the capital's cycleway infrastructure.
11) Hire additional transport police, named HGV Sentinels, to stand on street corners and yell at lorries if they're about to turn left dangerously.
12) Wherever there's a road in London with two lanes, turn over one lane to bikes and buses only.
13) Require all lorry drivers to cycle to and from work.
14) Re-engineer all of London's Cycle Superhighways so that they're properly super, not just blue stripes painted on the road, rather than merely pointing at a mile and a half of new segregated cycleway in Stratford and saying "ah, but this bit is great".
15) Adopt a blanket 10mph speed limit on London's roads.
16) Relocate all the cyclists in London to Milton Keynes - it was built for people like them.
17) Relocate all the motorists in London to Milton Keynes - it was built for people like them.
18) Because there isn't room on London's existing roads, knock down lots of offices and houses through the city to create dual carriageway Bike Bypasses.
19) Re-engineer every roundabout in London into a Dutch-style roundabout, funded by a 5p per litre surcharge on petrol.
20) Require all Boris Bike users to pass a Cycling Proficiency exam before hiring their bike.
21) Every time a lorry driver kills a cyclist, ban all lorries from London for the next 24 hours.
22) Close off central London to traffic every weekend and encourage parents to cycle around with their kids (note to Boris: could be called Skyride Sundays).
23) Legislate for all of London's cyclists to wear individual registration plates, so that they can be identified on security cameras and convicted of all misdemeanours.
24) Invent time travel, go back to medieval London and encourage landowners to build their streets a bit wider.
25) Your cycleproof plan here

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