diamond geezer

 Monday, June 02, 2014

30 things I've learnt about sex over the last 30 years

  1) Nothing ever prepares you for the first time...
  2) ... not even the fact that the biology textbook always falls open at the same page
  3) The first time is always a ghastly mistake (I'm extrapolating this from a single occurrence, obviously)
  4) The second time isn't much better
  5) It does get better eventually, but intermittently
  6) Some people need it regularly and crave quantity over quality (oddly enough they're the unlucky ones)
  7) Some people don't need it regularly and prefer quality to quantity (oddly enough they're the fortunate ones)
  8) People in the former category should wash their sheets more often
  9) You should always know where your towel is (ideally within arm's reach)
10) The nagging urge that says you must do it because it'll be excellent is too often wrong
11) You always wish you were doing it more frequently than you actually are
12) Sometimes you can wait for months only for it to last for seconds
13) Remember, the other person's supposed to enjoy the experience at least as much as you are
14) People who you'd really like to do it with generally don't want to do it with you
15) People who'd really like to do it with you, you'd generally not touch with a bargepole
16) You only spot people you'd really like to do it with when it's impossible to make contact with them (eg at a funeral, on the opposite escalator, from the top of a bus, on the way into work)
17) Just because someone's gorgeous doesn't make them compatible
18) Always listen to the small inner voice that screams "no, don't" (because it's invariably correct)
19) Certain very bad things are actually terribly enjoyable
20) Eventually you'll work out how you like to do it best (only to be disappointed how few other people like to do it that way)
21) Unprotected, no other activity can either create a life or destroy it
22) Never do it without considering all the possible consequences
23) Never do it in a single bed and stay the night (your spine will regret it)
24) The internet has made doing it much easier
25) The smartphone has made doing it ridiculously easy
26) Just because it's become ridiculously easy to do, doesn't mean everyone's doing it
27) As you get older, you may still want to do it but fewer people are interested
28) There's nothing worse than waking up next to someone you realise you shouldn't have done it with
29) There's nothing better than doing it, then falling asleep in the arms of the one you love (but only so long as they're thinking the same thing)
30) You'll never forget the first time, but you won't notice it's the last time


<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>


click to return to the main page


...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream