diamond geezer

 Friday, September 05, 2014

Vacancies have become available in the diamond geezer circulation team.

Several new distributors are required to continue the good work of handing out copies of the blog outside tube and railway stations. The current campaign has been extremely successful in bringing the world of diamond geezer to a wider audience, and it's only thanks to volunteers such as yourselves that the good news can continue to be spread.

Opportunities for Information Dispersal Agents exist at a variety of locations. The majority of these are in Central London adjacent to entrances and exits to underground stations. Alternative pitches may be available at mainline termini, outside large shopping malls and along especially narrow sections of pavement. It is also hoped that the missionary campaign will be able to expand into key areas of East London, including Bow and Stratford, but this is contingent on the availability of fresh personnel.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to ensure the availability of printed material at all times, and to present a neat and ordered face to the world. All volunteers are provided with a fold-up display stand designed to fit inside a small suitcase (suitcase not supplied). This must be set up in the approved way, with your designated selection of propaganda materials arranged in alphabetical order of title, and replenished at regular intervals.

Booklets provided for distribution purposes include "Good News from the Geezer", "What does the Geezer actually teach?" and "Where Can We Find Answers To London's Big Questions?". These are available in a wide variety of languages including English, Urdu, Polish and Cockney, thereby ensuring the spread of DG's core message to all. Copies of the latest edition of The Watchlister magazine will also be provided, in bundles of 100, and volunteers will be expected to clear the whole batch before moving on.

Training will be made available to ensure that you stand with your outstretched arms the requisite distance apart. Smiling is important, in a beatific style where possible, as this engenders feelings of trust and increases the likelihood of customer interaction. Casual dress is not acceptable, as there is a positive brand image to maintain. Please bring your own suit. Regrettably a clothing allowance is not provided.

For many, the move to static distribution methods will be particularly welcome. No longer will agents be expected to traipse from house to house, ringing on bells and doorstepping potential clients. Research suggests that this direct method of approach has not been popular, and may have contributed towards the low take-up of diamond geezer across the capital. In consequence the project management team has approved a switch to standing immobile outside stations, and residents may rest easy in their homes while the campaign continues.

Under no circumstances should distribution agents address commuters and other members of the public directly. Instead you should wait for intrigued members of the public to approach you, and only then may you engage in conversation. Always begin politely and tentatively, before moving on to wax lyrical about diamond geezer's intrinsic philosophy and its potential to explain the mysteries of life. At this point please offload the printed material, and direct the new convert towards the home website.

Remember that the homebound commuter is particularly susceptible to the distribution of printed matter, as they are about to embark on a journey during which their smartphone or tablet may not be able to function. Slip in between the Standards and Shortlists and Stylists, and you too can be responsible for bringing the true message of London to the people who matter.

Applications for new Information Dispersal Agents are now being taken on the diamond geezer Vacancies Portal. Please consider giving up two hours of your week to win over the hearts and minds and souls of the capital.

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