I haven't brought you a round-up of misguided PR emails yet this year, but I now have enough for a Top Ten.
Dear Mr Geezer,
Just a quick line to ask if you would be interested in participating in a pilot scheme, working with us to deliver fantastic curated content on places to your website visitors? Our system can curate any place on earth and then allow you to add what we call a 'Placelet' to your site in just a couple of lines of code on the page.
David's plan to spam my blog with his pop-up advertorial failed the moment he dared to use the word 'curate', twice.
First of all let me congratulate you on your blog, I loved it ;)
My name is Yasmin and I’m apart of a cool new Startup called <startup>, an online platform that offers unique travel experiences guided by local people.
Not only did Yasmin's spelling fail to impress, her proposed 18% commission rate didn't appeal either.
Iâ?Tm Aaron from <beer>, emailing to invite you personally to an exclusive sneak peak at the <beer> <pop-up>, at <place in Zone 2> this Friday from 12 midday to 2PM â?" an exclusive event before the event officially opens later that evening and a full day before the public can visit the <pop-up> on Saturday.
Aaron's inclusion of miscoded characters did not persuade me to skip work to plug his pop-up.
Dear Diamond Geezer,
I hope you’re well and had a good weekend.
I am Kate and I work closely with <serviced apartment company> who are working on a celebratory infographic and I would love to get your thoughts.
Kate clearly had no ideas of her own, so was hoping I'd source some free info for her tube-related graphic. I declined.
I'm writing on behalf of <dry cleaning app>, a company that's very interested in working with you on a sponsored post or review.
Calling me Toni is never a good start to an email, and Joe's effort went downhill from there.
I recently sent you an email to introduce you to <bike company> - a new online brand of Single Speed/Fixed gear/commuter bikes which launched this year. Even though bikes aren't necessarily your 'thing' I wanted to get in touch to see if you might be interested in posting anything about our bikes...
Unfortunately Alex had committed the cardinal sin of not actually sending me a previous email, so I switched off there.
We would like to buy a link on your webiste: http://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/. What price would it be?
Alas I don't have a webiste, so I had to disappoint Elita and her Lithuanian platform.
I'm Alex, the Marketing Manager of <promotional service>, a fast-growing app for discovering and remembering things to try. <Promotional service> and Diamond Geezer are really complimentary and I think a partnership could be very interesting.
If I'd spelt 'complementary' like that in a post, you lot would have crucified me.
Dear Diamond Geezer,
Due to popular demand, <London Museum> historic walks are now becoming a regular monthly free event – usually on the last Friday of the month. We would love it if you could join us on a walk. They are absolutely free – all we ask in return that you write about the walk, or <London Museum> on your blog or social media.
Everyone else gets to join Becky's walk for free, but apparently I could only go if I wrote about it. So I didn't.
I wondered if you'd be interested in writing about <hashtag>?
I can provide you with many details and photographs.
I am never interested in writing about anything emailed to me for publicity reasons. I'd be obliged if Sarah, Becky, Alex, Elita, Alex, Joe, Kate, Aaron, Yasmin, David and all the rest of you PR folk would remember this. Many thanks.