I've never seen the need for them myself. I never wear one, and I've never wanted to be a person who wears one.
Hats only get in the way. They perch on your head in a peculiar manner. They muck up your hair, which would still be pristine had no hat been applied. They potentially obscure your vision, which could be a danger to others including children. And they feel a bit funny, as I'm sure you'll agree if you've ever tried wearing one.
I wouldn't want to be a person with a hat. Covering my head in an artificial way. Having to carry it around everywhere in case of need. That awkward brushing sensation against the ear. Being judged by others for my choices. It must be so difficult.
To me, hats are unnecessary. I can live my life perfectly well without a hat, and so can everybody else. There is no situation in which a hat is essential, save for safety reasons, so I don't see why anyone else should wear one.
And yet people still wear hats. They place them on their head in public and sometimes even wear them indoors. If questioned they'll claim it's part of who they are, that it makes them feel good, that it goes along with their beliefs. I simply do not understand why this should be the case. I don't wear a hat, so surely there's no need for anybody else to.
Why is it so important to these people that they be allowed to wear hats? If you look around, it's not the normal state of affairs. The vast majority of people in this country today are not out there wearing a hat. But still this subgroup exists amongst us, encouraged by certain sections of the press, as if the wearing of a hat were somehow fashionable.
I often feel personally offended when other people choose to wear a hat. I never wear one, but they insist on parading in front of others with a hat on their head. Why should I be forced to look at people doing something I would never do, and without me having any say in the matter whatsoever? These people are from a different world to me.
There's something unnatural about hats. We're not born with them, neither are they something that we choose to wear unaided. Many people are introduced to wearing hats at an early age by fellow sympathisers. They start off with entry-level hats before progressing to stronger hats, and before long they've been sucked into the world of extremist hat wearing, while society does nothing.
When I see someone has started wearing a hat I always look at them in a new way. Why are they doing that? How are they different to me? What gives them the right to wear a hat in public? And if they can do all this, what else could they be capable of?
If a member of my family got involved with someone wearing a hat I'd be uncomfortable. What they do under their own roof is up to them, but I wouldn't want to have to invite them into my home. I don't want hat-wearing to take root in my family, it wouldn't be right. It's not the future I want to see.
Wearing a hat makes people think differently. There's a swagger, even a bravado, that comes from within once the hat is on their head. It's clearly dangerous to allow such thoughts to prosper. These people should be registered so that we know where they are at any time.
A lot of people overseas wear hats, and yet our borders are powerless to stop them passing through. Meanwhile more and more new converts to hat-wearing are recruited from within our own communities. Our liberty is increasingly threatened by weak and impressionable citizens.
I don't want you to think I'm anti-hat. Some of my best friends wear hats, and they're of perfectly reputable character. But we've all read the news and seen what people who wear hats are capable of. What I expect from others is respect. And if it takes new laws to impose that consensus, so be it.
We cannot tolerate people so fundamentally different to ourselves. We need to protect the rights of the majority. We must not lose our country to the hat-wearers.
(feel free to adapt today's post to your own ill-founded prejudices)