diamond geezer

 Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Family Christmas

Friday 23rd
» On the train up to Norfolk, curse silently when a loud family takes over the adjacent table in the quiet coach.
» Loud Family Mum answers a phone call, then rolls a fag. Loud Family Gran gossips while reading The Sun. Loud Family's Son plays with the Loud Family iPad.
» On arriving in Norwich, spot that the iPad is still on the table, under Gran's discarded newspaper. Laugh.
» Decide to be nice, so dash after Loud Family to tell them they've left their iPad on the train.
» Loud Family chooses to ignore the gibbering old man and carries on through the ticket barriers, where the penny finally drops and a rescue attempt is mounted. No thanks are offered.
» Greet Christmas Family.
» Pop over to see Mum, in the last place we left her, on the hillside under the tall trees.
» Join the last-minute shopping queues on the ring road.
» Watch five TV shows and a Harry Potter.

Saturday 24th
» I appear to be sleeping on a mattress in the study, because my brother doesn't have a seven bedroom house.
» Cough, sniffle and fill a handkerchief, on repeat.
» Vegetables are sliced, and the turkey gets a large onion inserted.
» Watch five TV shows and a Harry Potter.

Sunday 25th
» Wake up late enough that ten years ago, when everyone was ten years younger, we'd already have opened everything.
» Oversee the unwrapping of several pairs of socks, a shelf of mugs, more than one gift box of smellies, and a considerable amount of chocolate.
» Watch one of those slow motion tumbles where someone's head falls towards a sharp point and a hard surface in a way which could easily end up with the rest of the day being spent in hospital, but actually results in nothing worse than a bloody cut on a different part of the body.
» Smile because my torrential sniffle appears to have eased just in time for the big meal.
» Pile a plate high with more calories than the average diet allows in a week.
» Overlook Doctor Who to sit on the carpet and play a card game we got as a Christmas present in 1969 instead.
» Check through social media just in case anything's happened in the last five minutes, only to discover it has, and bloody hell not George, and remark with some trepidation that 2016 still has a week to run.

Monday 26th
» Ahhh, sleep in.
» Reckon we can probably watch all of Doctor Who before the day's visitor arrives, except there's still half an hour left when they do.
» Over lunch the cracker jokes are predictably bad, and badly predictable.
» Assist with the reconstruction of youngest nephew's computer on the kitchen table, inserting a new motherboard in fading light, and being wildly impressed when it still works afterwards.
» I think that's the fourth consecutive meal involving turkey.
» Wonder who it is actually buys all these cut-price sofas.
» Note that I'm no longer the only member of the family drinking the bottles of Becks.
» Plan to definitely go to the cinema tomorrow.

Tuesday 27th
» Overlook going to the cinema because the sofa is quite comfy.
» Settle in to watch Outnumbered, and oh blimey don't the kids look older now (well at least two of them)?
» Four minutes in, interrupted by the unexpected arrival of two relatives, who settle down on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon.
» Escape to Sainsbury's for an hour, because oh look we've run out of milk, perhaps regretting not having pre-booked those cinema tickets.
» Smile because we got through the whole of Christmas without the Monopoly set ever being taken out of the cupboard.
» Catch up on various Christmas TV shows, then start another Harry Potter but only get halfway through because sheesh it's long.

Wednesday 28th
» Train back from Norfolk - no anecdotes yet


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