diamond geezer

 Monday, March 27, 2017

Opening sentence referencing the location of today's post. Acknowledgement that I have been here before, with link to previous article should you choose to compare and contrast. Recognition that not many Londoners have been to this place. Specific mention of the name of the place in the hope that at least one person leaves a message in the comments saying they used to live here and they remember one of the shops, while another says they live here now and it's not as awful as most people think. Link to Wikipedia article. Slight teaser.

Brief paragraph devoted to background history, seriously condensed so as not to slow down the flow of the post. If you go back far enough this was all fields, obviously. A follow-up sentence which sprints from the Georgian era to post-war development, via something vaguely interesting the Victorians did. Brief mention that things changed dramatically when the railways came. Several peripheral facts deliberately omitted, so that someone else can look clever by telling us all.

 
 
 
 
 
[photograph of local high street with the sun shining attractively, which I hung around on a street corner for far too long attempting to capture without excess traffic]
 
 
 
 
 

Reference to establishing landmark, and link to map of the area should you be wondering where it is. Mention of nearby railway station, because that'll probably help you to understand where this is without clicking on the map link, because nobody clicks on links. Twinge of regret at mentioning the railway again, because this may trigger a long comment about trains, despite trains not being the main focus of the post nor mentioned in any other context.

Description of the type of housing nearby, admittedly not using the finest architectural terms but sufficient to get the gist across. Rather too many thesaurus-friendly adjectives all crammed together into the same sentence, which drones on rather longer than it should because I forgot to read it back after I'd written it, which is never wise, and probably containing one clause too many. Glaring factual error. Namecheck for local cafe, not that I went in, but normal people might.

List of three types of shop, selected for their collective stereotypical nuance, in the hope that this helps give a flavour of the kind of person who lives and shops here. Observation that something old has now become flats. Tone of voice tempered according to whether the old thing was merely adapted to create flats, or completely knocked down so that developers could start again and build something out of proportion with all the good looks of a shed.

Moving off from the starting point along some specifically-named road, in case you were ever to want to repeat my journey, which you never will. Something I overheard somebody saying as I walked by, because it's quite funny out of context. Silent recognition that this is entirely irrelevant, apart from adding a bit of local flavour, but it does prove that I did actually cross London to visit this location rather than sitting at home and sourcing all my photos from Streetview.

 
 
 
 
 
[photograph of key location, which I thought was decent but on getting home discovered was all blurry, so had to be photoshopped to within an inch of its life before appearing here]
 
 
 
 
 

Ordinary-looking house which it turns out has an interesting history, but only if you're a keen fan of one particular 1980s sitcom, or have a thing for mass poisoners. Worrying feeling that this building is why I crossed London to visit this location, and after all that effort it's only an ordinary-looking house. Attempt not to mention the address in too specific a manner in case the owner of the house ever Googles it and discovers I was the nutter taking intrusive photos of their front garden.

Incisive observation which deserves to be a single paragraph all by itself.

Second building notionally just round the corner from the first, but potentially half an hour away on foot. Short synopsis of the building's history, all gathered from the internet after I got home because I never realised how rich its background was while standing in front of it. Detailed description of the chimney, the front door or some other entirely irrelevant feature. Sentence including speling mistake which my proof reader will email me about within 20 minutes of the post going live.

Grim footpath up the side of the building - a route taken solely for dramatic effect. Trying hard to think of another synonym for footpath which I haven't used three times already. Mention that the local park is full of trees, which obviously it is, but the appearance of leaves and/or blossom permits a little seasonal flavour. Sentence including word which doesn't actually exist, but you should be able to work out my intended meaning, and I think I'll get away with it.

 
 
 
 
 
[photograph of local viewpoint or local waterway, linked through to larger version on Flickr, not that you'll probably notice, nor care, and anyway you've seen the photo already]
 
 
 
 
 

Obligatory visit to local viewpoint, be that hilltop, embankment, mound or footbridge. Repeated over-use of the words view and panorama. Mention of whether or not you can see the Shard, because again this proves whether I actually went or not. Obligatory visit to local waterway, be that stream, canal, ugly concrete culvert or lost river. Mild excitement if 'lost river' category can be correctly utilised. Description of at least one thing seen dumped in water, for same reason as previously.

Downbeat reference to proposed development of flats in that new brick vernacular. Recognition that yes, flats are needed, but surely we can do better than this. Trigger vocabulary used to ensure that at least one person in the comments questions what percentage will be affordable, and then bemoans the direction the modern world is travelling in. Oblique mention of Brexit merely to piss off one of my angrier readers.

Penultimate paragraph starting to tie everything together, and an excuse to link to posts other people have written which reference the general area I've just visited. Sentence which would read more clearly if it didn't keep changing colour because I'm linking to some photographs you won't look at. Opportune moment to mention a local bus route which might deliver you here quite easily, but best not, because commenters are even more likely to write something tangentially historical about buses than they are about railways.

Repeated admission that this is not the most exciting area of London. Tacit acceptance that my post has probably confirmed this in your mind. Acknowledgement that you could one day come here and see what I've seen but you won't. Unspoken feeling that surely I must have better things to do with my weekends. Assumption that I will one day be back. Concluding sentence incorporating limp pun. Now, what's in the comments?


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