diamond geezer

 Saturday, March 04, 2017

Just when you thought London couldn’t get any more exciting, someone only goes and opens a gin experience.

Yes, you read that right. An experience dedicated to all things gin. Change all your weekend plans, because this is a must-visit attraction every single Londoner must visit.

We’re sure you’ll be as besotted as we are with the notion of a whole experience dedicated to our favourite accompaniment for tonic. Nothing better encapsulates everything we love about London than gin, the very liquid lifeblood of our city.

There’s barely a bar in town that’s yet to embrace the craze for the juniper spirit, and that's thanks in part to a host of clever crafters bringing gin-distilling right back to its London roots. A whole new class of drink artisans is helping re-popularise what was once the preserve of Dickensian down-and-outers, which is why this sparkling gin-tastic entertainment will make you the happiest you’ve ever been in your life.

London's favourite new drinking den can be found on the South Bank in the joy-chamber formerly knows as Vinopolis. The replacement attraction has been named Ginopolis, and rightly so, given how comprehensively wine has been ousted from the capital's drinking habits. Roll over Bacchus, there's a new god in town!

Come celebrate the quintessential spirit of Britain and explore four centuries of gin making history through this unforgettable two and a half hour experience. For the first time you'll be able to see how the world's most exciting drink is made, walk through the history of London's gin, smell and touch the botanicals that make every gin unique, and taste the finished product. We're sold!

Ginopolis is a visitor-focused multi-floor complex that sounds almost too good to be true. Within its walls are a gin museum, various gin blending rooms, a bespoke-style gin restaurant, a traditional gin bar, a specialist gin shop and copious gin boutique opportunities. Phew, we're feeling squiffy already.

The brains behind Ginopolis are the owners of London's most acclaimed distillery, a classy duo leading the pack when it comes to gin dedication. Their long-honed expertise ensures the ideal event experience for the discerning drinks aficionado or casual sipper, indeed anyone who loves to learn and discover new venues. No question, suddenly it's gin o'clock.

The first interactive chamber celebrates the drink's storied heritage, from the moral panic of the 1700s to the gin palaces of the Regency era, through a period of relative decline to its current ‘ginaissance’ as the fashionable drink du jour. Your virtual guide is a passionate, knowledgeable and dynamic bartender who has won awards for his work barside, and who will guide you through the world of mother’s ruin with insight and humour.

Museum complete, you'll be furnished with a branded gin and tonic and directed downstairs for the highpoint of your visit. Here you'll see an actual copper still, identical to those used under a viaduct in Dalston to produce the diverse tasting samples in the subsequent room. Step behind the curtain with the speakeasy vibe, and all your liquid fantasies will be fulfilled as your tastebuds explode under the Head Ginmonger's expert guidance.

Next we know you'll cherish the opportunity to craft your own unique gin, scouting through a selection of exquisite botanicals to fix your own self-curated blend. A bevy of mixologists will be on hand to combine the various distilled herbs and berries to create your own completely unique recipe, ready to down in one. In-gin-ious!

The tour will culminate with a complimentary gin martini, assuming you can still keep anything down at this stage, before you're let loose in the expertly-stocked shop. Bottles of every type, but especially those of the sponsor, will be available for you to take away at prices it's hoped you'll barely notice. You may have to get Uber-ed into work on Monday, but rest assured it’ll be totally worth it.

A visit to Ginopolis is cripplingly expensive, but it's not our job to mention this, because we need you to click through to the booking website to earn our commission. Still, we reckon at least a hundred of you are so gullibly affluent you'll sign up, because gin is so inimitably on trend and because we said it was cool.

For disclosure, we took up the kind offer of a free sneak preview of Ginopolis, and we can assure you our experience was worth every penny. What's more we staggered out in a state of catatonic joy, ready and willing to write an entirely glowing review packed with unbalanced praise and a shower of superlatives.

It's possible we were plied with more gin than you'll get, but you'll not hear us say a bad word about the place, indeed our job is to never say a bad word about anything.

Instead we'll carry on writing shallow puff assuming everybody quaffs gin all the time, because that's how it is in our blinkered media bubble. You might be too uncultured to recognise its worth, or too poor to be able to splash out, or unable to drink alcohol because of your religion. But our key target audience are none of these things, so we'll continue to treat the rest of you with the total disregard your life deserves.

Forget brunch, forget sourdough and forget fashionista pop-ups. Until we tell you otherwise, the very best experiences are all about gin.

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