diamond geezer

 Thursday, May 04, 2017

Imagine being Jamie. Jamie has the job of promoting the new Crud* lifestyle apartments in Deptford. Jamie sent me this email.

* The apartments actually have a different name, but let's stick with Crud for now.
Hi Diamond Geezer
It appears I have been specifically targeted.
Please find attached a save the date invite to our Crud Living launch at Specific Street, Deptford, London SE8.
Jamie's 'save the date invite' turned out to be a jpeg with the date and time on it in big letters, plus a really crass hashtag.
At Crud we like to do things a bit differently – (you have probably seen us around; mainly in Specific Street) but I assure you, we’re not your typical developer.
I've never been to Specific Street, it's miles away, so I've not seen Crud around. Jamie's marketing email has already over-asserted itself.

Our apartments are built to create thriving communities and every detail has been designed specifically with millennial London living in mind.
As a 50-something Londoner, I can imagine little more hellish than an apartment complex built with communal millennial sensibilities in mind.
We’re having a party to celebrate the launch of our first and flagship development of 83 apartments, plus over 4,000 square foot of communal amenity space exclusively for the residents – and it’s all located in a the former propeller factory on Deptford’s Specific St.
Ooh, a party in a propeller factory. It is perhaps no surprise that Jamie's email is full of spin.
We’d like to say ‘hello’ to our neighbours and, as someone who is passionate about London and the local area, we would be delighted if you could join us at the event.
I might be passionate about London, but much less so about soullessly-redeveloped parts of Deptford. I would rather not spend an evening necking olives there.
At Crud we aim to blur the line between residential living and a lifestyle experience.
I believe this is code for "expect a boxroom and a lot of shared services, a bit like when you were at university".
Hackney’s favourite cocktail and street food specialists, Night Tales, will be operating a coffee hangout in the communal amenity space, which will also play home to a work and chill out zone.
It appears Crud think so little of the local area that they've brought in baristas from Hackney. Also it sounds like the apartments won't be big enough to do any actual work in.
We also have an on-site cinema, bike work shop as well as a communal roof terrace with amazing views across the London skyline.
I have a TV. I can watch what I like on it without having to put up with neighbours chatting, playing on their phones or walking past the screen. I don't want to pay extra for an open-plan cinema area with sofas.

The new space will offer a raft of bar-raising features and exceptional design that will provide a thriving community environment as well as a new home for many young Londoners.
I shall certainly be using the phrase "a raft of bar-raising features" in all the promotional claptrap I write going forward.
We’re expecting a great turnout of Deptford businesses, local people and those interested in living here. We’ll also have live DJs, cocktails and some great food.
This must be how you make a fuss about new apartments these days. I presume they must be vastly overpriced, otherwise they'd simply sell themselves.
We are using the #halfpastcrud hashtag as we build up to the launch.
The genuine hashtag is worse than that, indeed possibly the most inept meaningless hashtag I've ever seen.
Hope to see you there!
You know what, Jamie, I'll pass.
But there you go, the glorified flatshare is the new big thing on the London property market. If you can't afford an actual flat of your own, why not move into something smaller and more affordable, but with shared facilities?

The future is student living. The future is Crud.

<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>

click to return to the main page

...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan19  Feb19  Mar19
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18  Aug18  Sep18  Oct18  Nov18  Dec18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream