Eurovision, it's in Portugal this year, did you see it, although so far it's only the first semi-final, the hosts were a bit Sex in The City weren't they, what were they wearing, I mean, you could have hidden an army under one of those dresses, mind you, it had nothing on Estonia, wow, opera doesn't normally get through of course, so the special effects definitely swung it, it's all about the gimmick, I mean why did Ireland need two blokes on a snowy bench, mind you it worked didn't it, they haven't got through for years, they'll be pleased, unlike Azerbeijan, that was a surprise, they always qualify, except this time they didn't, and how utterly bonkers was Israel, a-mazing, it seems you can't go wrong with Björk and chicken noises, so that could be the wild card, or there's always Finland, plus they're genuinely European which always helps, she had plenty of vim and vigour, very much a mainstream performance, but is it really fair to allow X Factor runners-up into the competition, I guess it is, but there was nothing like that from Bulgaria, and perhaps we lost Belgium too quickly, the world needs more Alanis Morissettes, ironically, though Switzerland should never have risked that hat, and weren't the postcards fun, all those doors on clifftops, but perhaps they'll pall by the time we see them again on Saturday, that's the problem with the semi-finals, it makes the real thing look like a repeat, still, it's just as well the UK gets a pass into the finals, not that there's anything wrong with our song, I reckon it's the strongest for a good few years, but they just don't like us do they, never have, I understand Moldova will be one to watch tomorrow, and I can't remember whether we've had Norway yet, actually I think I'd have remembered, he's in it again isn't he, him and his violin, and you know Iceland have never won yet, and this won't be the year that changes, it's always brave to go with a ballad, I see all the money is on Cyprus, rightly so, their song could actually be in the current hit parade, I bet millennials would stream it, and she had all the warbly notes and proper hip action, though I'm not sure how a tiny country like Cyprus would be able to afford to stage next year's competition, so maybe they shouldn't win, I just hope it's not Greece, I couldn't stand Greece, and the Czech guy should put some socks on, he reminded me of a Thunderbirds puppet, and you know which well-known popstar the Albanian looked like, winking emoji, and let's hope the interval act is good this year, plus I wish Scott Mills would shut up, but really it's all about Lithuania, or was it Estonia, to be fair they all merge into one after a while, in fact there was nothing that overly impressed, I definitely wouldn't buy any of it, but oh my God I love Eurovision, love it.
