diamond geezer

 Wednesday, May 16, 2018

I received a marketing email this week from a lady very keen to bring her event to your attention. Let's call her Adrienne.
Happy sunny Monday!,
That's an exclamation mark followed by a comma. I am already twitching.
I'm really hoping that you can tell your readers about <roaming restaurant>'s next pop-up in HACKNEY.
No, I never do that.
We've been producing sell-out Michelin level restaurant experiences around the UK for six years...
Note: a "Michelin level restaurant experience" need not involve a Michelin-starred restaurant. And this one doesn't.
...and the next one is in Hackney 1st & 2nd June.
Tickets went on sale on March 28th. I assume they're not shifting.
It's a collab with London's first vodka distillery (because who isn't a bit sick of gin?).
If you hurled something at the screen at the sight of the word 'collab', you are not alone.

Also, the assumption that everyone in London is "a bit sick of gin" is indicative of a privileged middle class lifestyle, callously discounting the majority of the population who aren't smug moneyed hedonists.
All deets in the press release below.
Adrienne's mutilation of the English language left me gasping.
Images in the link below but please let me know if you would like to see images with different aspects/colours etc.
Three images were provided via a Dropbox link. None of them quite matched the brand palette I was seeking.
Thank you!
I doubt that Adrienne is thanking me now.

Next came the deets of the press release itself.
Hackney pop-up reinvents ancient tradition of pairing vodka with food
As headlines go, that is seriously dull. Pairing vodka with food is neither unusual nor exciting.
A pop-up restaurant in Hackney Downs this June...
I won't submit you to the full oozing smarm of what follows. Instead here are several of the choice phrases contained therein, in the form of a brandspeak bingo board. Perhaps you could utilise this next time you read some marketing fluff about a foodie experience.

tailored vodka infusionsa light, smooth mouthfeelrounds out, cuts through and balancesurban micro-distillery
pop-up restauranthand-bottledmonth-long culinary extravaganzasa flight of infused artisanal vodkas
foraged and best of season ingredientsroaming restaurant conceptcarefully curated craft beersperfect bespoke vodka infusion
unique product and passiona re-edit of the centuries old traditionsingle estate producera unique yeast
locally sourced ingredientsa floral and citrus nosea menu that both pairs and preparesfoodie infusions

And below that came the entire details of the email again. It seems Adrienne had sent an identical email to Nick at Men's File four days earlier, and accidentally forwarded that to me with all the content re-cut and re-pasted at the top. It was around this point that I lost confidence in her marketing professionalism.
Happy sunny Thursday!,
Please don't feel too sorry for Adrienne, because she has other irons in the fire, including a Secret Cheese Event in Leeds.

Whatever, this is your regular reminder not to send me marketing emails, because I will either ignore them or rip the piss out of them. If your roaming restaurant experience lacks eager punters, best look elsewhere.

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