diamond geezer

 Monday, December 03, 2018

Nobody likes a bad driver, or a cyclist jumping a red light. But the real danger on our roads is the guerilla pedestrian. We know who we are.

50 things guerilla pedestrians do

At the pedestrian crossing

Pushing the button, then crossing on red because there's a gap in the traffic.
Pushing the button even though it's obvious there's about to be a gap in the traffic.
Arriving during a gap in the traffic, but pressing the button anyway.

Crossing on red because there's a gap in the traffic, but while there are children watching.
Crossing on red while there are children watching, and not spotting the look their parent gives you.

Crossing on red because traffic has too much priority and you got bored waiting.

Dashing across after the countdown hits '01', because there's still time.
Dashing across after the countdown hits '00', because there's probably still time.
Dashing across after the red man appears, because there isn't time but what the hell.

Crossing because normally nothing turns left.
Crossing because nothing's coming.... ah, except for the car which forgot to indicate.

Crossing 30m short of a pedestrian crossing because that'd be too far to walk.
Crossing the cycle advance stop zone rather than the pedestrian crossing itself.
Crossing diagonally, even though you won't get to the other side before the lights change.

Assuming you know which way the traffic goes, and being proved wrong.
Thinking it's a one-way street and discovering to your horror that it isn't.

Walking straight across a staggered crossing, rather than staggering.
Taking the shortcut rather than the contrived safe route via two traffic islands.
Crossing quickly in one go rather than the officially sanctioned three-step option.
Ignoring all the carefully designed infrastructure because what were they thinking?

Crossing to the wrong end of the traffic island because it's more convenient.
Walking down the outside of the railings to get to the point they don't want you to cross at.
Vaulting the railings, just to show off.

Crossing halfway because it's not far and the approaching lorry is still a few metres away.
Crossing halfway because you reckon the red man doesn't refer to your side of the crossing.

Walking through a line of traffic because it looks like it's stopped.
Walking through a line of traffic and so preventing it from starting up again.
Walking through a line of traffic because it's stopped, only to find the traffic going the other way hasn't.

Assuming the red man is wrong because all the traffic appears to be stopped.
Assuming the red man is wrong, but in fact you are.

At the zebra crossing

Stepping on because the Highway Code says all the traffic will definitely stop.
Stepping on just as the previous person steps off, simply to annoy the driver at the front.
Not stepping on because you didn't see the driver nod their head.

Across the cycle lane

Stepping into the cycle lane because you haven't noticed it's there.
Stepping into the cycle lane and looking the wrong way to see if anything is coming.
Crossing when the only approaching traffic is a bike and that doesn't count.
Walking down the cycle lane because it's less busy than the pavement.

Where no crossing is provided

Crossing because you can contrive a gap in the traffic.
Crossing because fifteen seconds is the longest you're willing to wait.

Crossing because it's clear halfway, and the other side should be clear by the time you get there.
Crossing and only getting halfway, then standing in the middle of the road like a lemon as the traffic rushes past in both directions.

Starting off walking and gradually speeding up.
Starting off walking and ending up running.
Running all the way, as if you were playing Frogger.

Suddenly bolting off the pavement much to the surprise of an approaching car.
Walking out between parked cars, just like the Green Cross Man warned you not to.
Walking boldly across the road totally oblivious because you know the traffic will stop rather than kill you.

And finally...

All of the above, but with your hood up.
All of the above, but whilst wearing headphones.
All of the above, but while looking at your phone.

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