Wed 1: I went hunting for lightbulbs, which proved unexpectedly difficult because I wanted bayonet and everywhere only had screw-in. Should've just gone to Tesco, rather than sampling three East End high streets. I am never going back to Wilko in East Ham if I can possibly avoid it. Thu 2: It's always been free to ride the Heathrow Express between terminals, but now ticket barriers have been installed they've had to start providing free tickets from special ticket machines. The tickets are blue, and you can 'buy' as many as you like. Weird, but necessary.
Fri 3: First the pharmacist was surprised I had to pay for my prescription, then he was surprised I was going to pay by cash. I have rarely felt more atypical. Sat 4: Yes, it was Brighton. Sun 5: Climbing a steep narrow rutted lane in the North Downs, I heard the sound of engines growing ever louder behind me. Suddenly I had to scramble out of the way to avoid a motorbike revving up the path, followed by a procession of several more. Their neckerchiefed riders massed threateningly on the hilltop, joined now by quad bikes, before zooming off across the plateau towards the radio mast and disappearing down the other side. The countryside's not without its illicit thrills. Mon 6: The birth of a new royal baby has knocked me even further down the royal line of succession. Tue 7: Walking through the Olympic Park I spotted a UK passport lying on the ground near Carpenters Lock. Now that is careless. I handed it in at the information centre by the Aquatic Centre, and I hope Cameron eventually got it back. Wed 8: The horror book I got out of the library turned out to be about murderous clothing invading Tooting - evil coats, killer cardigans, that kind of thing. I turned the pages with increasing disbelief. Thu 9: I only managed 7337 steps today, because it rained a lot, whereas every other day in May I managed to walk over ten thousand. My average daily total this month is 16000 steps, equivalent to 7 miles a day, which I'm dead pleased with. My weight remains stubbornly unchanged. Fri 10: A brazen squirrel has taken to using the tubs on my balcony to hide his/her stash of winter nuts, and I think that's why half my grape hyacinths have disappeared.
Sat 11: I bought a pint of lager in central London and it cost £5.95. I did not buy a second pint. Sun 12: The Regent's Canal towpath really doesn't cope well at weekends as a combined footpath, cycleway and jogging corridor. Near Haggerston I passed that person half of Twitter hates. Mon 13: Completely failed to find Richard Burton's mausoleum in Mortlake, despite following the sign that supposedly pointed to where it was, which only goes to show the importance of doing your research before leaving the house. Tue 14: The brand new station at Meridian Water was amok with workmen and workwomen, one of whom was unpeeling the station name signs on the platforms. At the time the intention was to open the station within a week, but instead this got postponed, twice, which is very much the story of late 2010s railway development. Wed 15: My Apple earphones broke again, or at least failed in one ear, which is what they always do within a year or two. I didn't want to buy yet another pair that'd do the same, or spend a fortune on chargeable doobries I could all too easily lose half of, so instead I went to Argos and bought a dull but serviceable replacement for less than a third of the price. Thu 16: (I still intend to write about my trip to the Thames waterfront, so eventually it won't be 'unblogged', so I'm not allowed to mention it here) Fri 17: The Museum of the Moon at the Natural History Museum isn't so much a museum as a giant crater-perfect mock-up of the Moon hung from the ceiling of a big room accompanied by a mysterious backing track. Obviously what everybody does is take photos of it, or themselves and it... and a few even linger afterwards to stare properly.
Sat 18: My brother popped in on his way to the Cup Final. He last went in 1984, and was hoping this unexpected opportunity would balance things out somewhat, but it was not to be. He said he's glad he went. We do not mention the score. Sun 19: I went to two annual fetes, one a corporate developer shindig at North Greenwich over-stuffed with refreshment opportunities, the other a longstanding caucus in Dulwich Park which fully recognised the attraction of an all-afternoon dog show. Mon 20: BBC Scotland have started reshowing 1994 sitcom nugget The High Life, so it's now on iPlayer, and I'd forgotten how brilliantly over the top the series was. Had to rewind the opening credits twice and sing along, oh dearie me. Tue 21: The Jamie's Italian at Westfield Stratford is already closed, with a KPMG contact address on a piece of paper stuck to the window. No further Truffle Ravioli, Crispy Squid or Antipasti Planks will be served. Wed 22: Went to Ham House to wave my National Trust membership card because it's all too easy for my direct debit to keep ticking over without me remembering to use it. Most of the visitors appeared to be in the Orangery taking tea. Unfortunately I was a month too early for the lavender.
Thu 23: Went to vote in the European elections. Noticed a lot of red names crossed-through on the electoral roll, including several of my neighbours. The man queueing in front of me was denied a vote for being Spanish (specifically for not having filled in the appropriate form in time). Fri 24: My favourite drawing in the Observed on paper exhibition at the Royal Geographical Society is David Livingstone's 1860 watercolour of the Victoria Falls, including fieldwork measurements of the distances between sub-cataract meanders. Sat 25: I took a ride on the 125 bus, newly extended an extra three miles to Colindale. Unfortunately nobody had updated any of the bus stops along the extension to include tiles or timetables. Unfortunately none of the buses had the correct destination on their blind, so instead the drivers had placed an A4 printed sheet (saying Colindale Station in tiny writing) on the dashboard. Unsurprisingly no passengers realised where the buses were going, so nobody stayed on and nobody boarded, and I was my driver's sole companion for the extra 15 minutes. Sun 26: Went to try out the newly refreshed South Bank exit at Waterloo tube station. Tried following the 'South Bank' signs from the platform but they hadn't been refreshed and sent me completely the wrong way. Eventually re-entered the station via the South Bank entrance except the escalator wasn't working and I had to walk all the way down. Neither of this weekend's public transport debuts were especially impressive.
Mon 27: Birchington, on the rim of Thanet, is a genteel outpost laid out with retirement avenues set back behind stunted chalk cliffs, and boasts a decent fully-functional high street (perhaps because most of its residents wouldn't be the kind to shop online). Its launderette has a brilliant name - Blue Mondays - which may not be funny but scores top marks for cultural pertinence. Tue 28:Years and Years is thrilling TV drama, fast-forwarding into a twisted and painfully-believable dystopian future (although it's always winter, whatever year they're pretending it is, thanks to the practicalities of filming). Wed 29: I'm pleased to report that BestMate was thrilled with his gypsy tarts. His eyes lit up like a happy seven year-old. Thu 30: Walked past a tube station I've never previously been to - never entered, never got off at and never passed at street level. I didn't believe there were any such stations! Now I'm concerned there might be another somewhere. Fri 31: Spotted there's only one London borough I haven't been to this month, which is how I ended up facing off against a fox beside Crossness lighthouse.
