diamond geezer

 Thursday, November 07, 2019

Exactly six months remain before the next London Mayoral election on 7th May 2020.

Today is therefore the perfect day to launch my Mayoral Manifesto of crowd-pleasing policies, which will surely see me elected by a massive majority.

Please focus only on the policies you like, and ignore those targeted at other voters.

Council tax frozen until June 2020.Uber banned during episodes of high air pollution.Pinner demolished and replaced by highrise affordable flats.
A Boxpark in every London borough, to keep the millennials occupied.Monorail to be built above the Uxbridge Road.Kensington & Chelsea and Hammersmith & Fulham merged into one borough.
Day after Mayoral Election to be made a public holiday.All estate agent offices compulsory purchased for social housing.Thames Barrier to be replaced by giant statue of King Canute.
Sultan's Elephant to make a return visit.No Christmas lights switch-on events to take place before December.Giant fans to be installed on public buildings to disperse toxic air.
No further schools to be built near fried chicken shops.Regents Canal concreted over for use as a cycle superhighway.Congestion Charge introduced throughout Zone 6.
Bus fares to rise by double the rate of inflation, but only in South London.99% of homes in all new housing developments to be affordable.Purchase of bottled water to be a criminal offence.
Mayor's Birthday celebrated with event in Trafalgar Square every March.Taxi drivers contracted to stay silent during journeys.Elizabeth Line to be renamed Crossrail.
Plastic straws to be banned to protect London's sealife.Cablecar moved downstream to link Thamesmead to Barking Riverside.Third Runway cancelled, and money saved spent on massive piss-up.
Plastic knives to be compulsory to protect London's teenagers.Upminster set aside as re-housing zone for British nationals returning after Brexit.Under 60s to travel free on Wednesdays, while over 60s pay full price.
Housing estates to be built on 30 of London's golf courses.Pedways constructed at first floor level above Oxford Street.Piercings, dreadlocks and/or tattoos to be compulsory for all new police recruits.
Indefinite ban on electric scooters.To improve recycling rates, Evening Standard print run to be doubled.Rough sleepers to be housed at Buckingham Palace while Queen is at Sandringham.
Bexley forced to become London Borough of Culture 2022.Home working introduced at City Hall to allow building to become EasyHotel.Aldwych station reopened as soft play funpark.
Building permitted on the browner bits of the Green Belt.£1 tax on pop-up cocktails to help provide free school dinners for all under 11s.10 Downing Street reopened as cycle-friendly Quietway.
London Fire Service reimagined as on-demand app.Diesel-powered cars to be phased out by 2021.Teenage gang members given free Netflix subscription.
Public libraries moved into churches and opened six days a week.USB charging points to be fitted in all KFCs.Correct tiles to be used at Bus Stop M.
Surplus Deliveroo riders retrained as community police officers.Woolwich relocated to zone 3, but only on contactless.Blanket ban on all building projects over nine storeys in height.
Smoking and vaping banned within the Ultra Low Emission Zone.Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park naming rights offered to highest bidding monarch.Blanket ban on all building projects under five storeys in height.
Standing on the left on escalators to be subject to a spot fine.All Londoners gifted one free trip up the Shard every year.London Assembly meetings to be released as podcast on BBC Sounds.
Hyde Park to charge £5 for admission.Kingston allowed to return to Surrey, so long as London can have Epsom instead.Car Free Days to become Car Free Weeks.
Budgets increased to fund growth.Fares raised to pay for investment.Council tax raised to pay for services.

Sorry if the bottom row sounds too extreme.


<< click for Newer posts

click for Older Posts >>


click to return to the main page


...or read more in my monthly archives
Jan19  Feb19  Mar19  Apr19  May19  Jun19  Jul19  Aug19  Sep19  Oct19  Nov19
Jan18  Feb18  Mar18  Apr18  May18  Jun18  Jul18  Aug18  Sep18  Oct18  Nov18  Dec18
Jan17  Feb17  Mar17  Apr17  May17  Jun17  Jul17  Aug17  Sep17  Oct17  Nov17  Dec17
Jan16  Feb16  Mar16  Apr16  May16  Jun16  Jul16  Aug16  Sep16  Oct16  Nov16  Dec16
Jan15  Feb15  Mar15  Apr15  May15  Jun15  Jul15  Aug15  Sep15  Oct15  Nov15  Dec15
Jan14  Feb14  Mar14  Apr14  May14  Jun14  Jul14  Aug14  Sep14  Oct14  Nov14  Dec14
Jan13  Feb13  Mar13  Apr13  May13  Jun13  Jul13  Aug13  Sep13  Oct13  Nov13  Dec13
Jan12  Feb12  Mar12  Apr12  May12  Jun12  Jul12  Aug12  Sep12  Oct12  Nov12  Dec12
Jan11  Feb11  Mar11  Apr11  May11  Jun11  Jul11  Aug11  Sep11  Oct11  Nov11  Dec11
Jan10  Feb10  Mar10  Apr10  May10  Jun10  Jul10  Aug10  Sep10  Oct10  Nov10  Dec10 
Jan09  Feb09  Mar09  Apr09  May09  Jun09  Jul09  Aug09  Sep09  Oct09  Nov09  Dec09
Jan08  Feb08  Mar08  Apr08  May08  Jun08  Jul08  Aug08  Sep08  Oct08  Nov08  Dec08
Jan07  Feb07  Mar07  Apr07  May07  Jun07  Jul07  Aug07  Sep07  Oct07  Nov07  Dec07
Jan06  Feb06  Mar06  Apr06  May06  Jun06  Jul06  Aug06  Sep06  Oct06  Nov06  Dec06
Jan05  Feb05  Mar05  Apr05  May05  Jun05  Jul05  Aug05  Sep05  Oct05  Nov05  Dec05
Jan04  Feb04  Mar04  Apr04  May04  Jun04  Jul04  Aug04  Sep04  Oct04  Nov04  Dec04
Jan03  Feb03  Mar03  Apr03  May03  Jun03  Jul03  Aug03  Sep03  Oct03  Nov03  Dec03
 Jan02  Feb02  Mar02  Apr02  May02  Jun02  Jul02 Aug02  Sep02  Oct02  Nov02  Dec02 

eXTReMe Tracker
jack of diamonds
Life viewed from London E3

» email me
» follow me on twitter
» follow the blog on Twitter
» follow the blog on RSS

my flickr photostream