| Council tax frozen until June 2020. | Uber banned during episodes of high air pollution. | Pinner demolished and replaced by highrise affordable flats. |
| A Boxpark in every London borough, to keep the millennials occupied. | Monorail to be built above the Uxbridge Road. | Kensington & Chelsea and Hammersmith & Fulham merged into one borough. |
| Day after Mayoral Election to be made a public holiday. | All estate agent offices compulsory purchased for social housing. | Thames Barrier to be replaced by giant statue of King Canute. |
| Sultan's Elephant to make a return visit. | No Christmas lights switch-on events to take place before December. | Giant fans to be installed on public buildings to disperse toxic air. |
| No further schools to be built near fried chicken shops. | Regents Canal concreted over for use as a cycle superhighway. | Congestion Charge introduced throughout Zone 6. |
| Bus fares to rise by double the rate of inflation, but only in South London. | 99% of homes in all new housing developments to be affordable. | Purchase of bottled water to be a criminal offence. |
| Mayor's Birthday celebrated with event in Trafalgar Square every March. | Taxi drivers contracted to stay silent during journeys. | Elizabeth Line to be renamed Crossrail. |
| Plastic straws to be banned to protect London's sealife. | Cablecar moved downstream to link Thamesmead to Barking Riverside. | Third Runway cancelled, and money saved spent on massive piss-up. |
| Plastic knives to be compulsory to protect London's teenagers. | Upminster set aside as re-housing zone for British nationals returning after Brexit. | Under 60s to travel free on Wednesdays, while over 60s pay full price. |
| Housing estates to be built on 30 of London's golf courses. | Pedways constructed at first floor level above Oxford Street. | Piercings, dreadlocks and/or tattoos to be compulsory for all new police recruits. |
| Indefinite ban on electric scooters. | To improve recycling rates, Evening Standard print run to be doubled. | Rough sleepers to be housed at Buckingham Palace while Queen is at Sandringham. |
| Bexley forced to become London Borough of Culture 2022. | Home working introduced at City Hall to allow building to become EasyHotel. | Aldwych station reopened as soft play funpark. |
| Building permitted on the browner bits of the Green Belt. | £1 tax on pop-up cocktails to help provide free school dinners for all under 11s. | 10 Downing Street reopened as cycle-friendly Quietway. |
| London Fire Service reimagined as on-demand app. | Diesel-powered cars to be phased out by 2021. | Teenage gang members given free Netflix subscription. |
| Public libraries moved into churches and opened six days a week. | USB charging points to be fitted in all KFCs. | Correct tiles to be used at Bus Stop M. |
| Surplus Deliveroo riders retrained as community police officers. | Woolwich relocated to zone 3, but only on contactless. | Blanket ban on all building projects over nine storeys in height. |
| Smoking and vaping banned within the Ultra Low Emission Zone. | Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park naming rights offered to highest bidding monarch. | Blanket ban on all building projects under five storeys in height. |
| Standing on the left on escalators to be subject to a spot fine. | All Londoners gifted one free trip up the Shard every year. | London Assembly meetings to be released as podcast on BBC Sounds. |
| Hyde Park to charge £5 for admission. | Kingston allowed to return to Surrey, so long as London can have Epsom instead. | Car Free Days to become Car Free Weeks. |
| Budgets increased to fund growth. | Fares raised to pay for investment. | Council tax raised to pay for services. |
