I shouldn't let the year go by without bringing you some of the misguided marketing emails that have arrived in my inbox in 2019.
I don't get many these days, either because marketingfolk have got the message or because blogging is a niche dead end these days grandad.
Here are ten such unsolicited communications. Let's see what variations on "I hope you are well" everyone's been using this year...
Hello There,
Hope you are doing well!
This is Cora, a passionate writer covering a wide range of topics like health, home improvement, fashion, automotive, environment, businesses, construction and many more. While surfing the Internet, I just found your website and it looks quite interesting to me.
I've also read most of your blog pieces and I'd like to contribute a post on your website.
I reminded Cora that there are there were 8146 posts on my blog, and I didn't believe she'd read "most" of them. Her response ("Waiting for your reply.") confirmed she didn't read her emails either.
Hello there,
I hope you’re really well.
I’m getting in touch on behalf of <London transport provider>. I help run their digital marketing campaigns, so I hope you don’t mind me dropping you a message, but I noticed that you’ve mentioned <London transport provider> on your website.
I just wondered if you wouldn’t mind adding a link to LondonTransportProvider.com from the pages where you have mentioned the company? It would be mutually beneficial for both of our websites as well as your readers, so we would appreciate it greatly!
I have indeed mentioned <London transport provider>, James, dozens of times. But I will not be trawling back through my archive to boost your SEO.
Looking for an Insta-worthy event this Autumn?
No, Kimberley, I am not.
Hi Diamond Geezer,
I was wondering if you would be able to promote a later life lending event we are promoting. The event is predominantly for London dwellers and property owners in the south east. Out of interest, how many people visit your blog for an average post?
I emailed back, post haste, to inform James that approximately 2500 people would not be reading his advert.
Hi
Hope you’re well :)
My name's Owain and I'm the owner of <small retail outlet>. I'm emailing to let you know about the shop, our regular Parties and the Park which has undergone an amazing redevelopment. I think what we are doing within our community, and the exciting improvements in the area would be of great interest to your audience. Please see below for our press release, social media details and Dropbox link to high-quality photos.
<1039 more words>
Please email me if you require further information.
No Owain, really, that was quite enough.
Two marble sculptures, currently on display at <Northern city> Art Gallery, could be formally added to <Northern city>’s museum collection if members agree to proposals at a meeting later this month...
Nobody in <Southern city> cares, sorry Megan.
Hello,
Hope this email finds you well.
We are writing to tell you about something we did this morning. We decided to rename some Santander Cycles docking stations around London - using eco-friendly stickers (of course). Why? Because we wanted to cheer on people that help improving the climate situation of the planet by making small but meaningful decisions everyday, like riding a bike.
The general consensus on Twitter was that <cycling project team> had misjudged their campaign spectacularly.
It has come to my attention that your website contains a link to a pdf showing the national rail map that has become erroneous. This link no longer works as the website no longer exists meaning the relevant information is no longer apparent as it was before.
As a matter of urgency, I would like to request that you update this link as soon as possible. The link that should replace this is <EnergyComparisonWebsite.com/map.pdf>
Please let me know when this has been completed. A member of our team will be making a follow-up call to ensure that it is handled effectively and efficiently.
I did not receive a follow-up call, so I think Carly may have been overstating the urgency of her request.
Dear media friends, please see the attached presser.
Sorry Mark, that went wrong at word three.
Hey there,
So, I loved all the tips on your blog. I’ve been a travel addict for a while and your site seems to have an interesting take on this topic. Love it!
Since I was little, I’ve always wanted to visit some of the biggest cities in the world and photograph what makes them so special and unique. Lately, London has been at the top of my list so I decided to reach out to some local guides and travel bloggers to see what advice they can give me ahead of my big trip.
I took all of that info and created this guide, which I feel would be of great value to your readers, particularly if it's included in your post.
It gave me great joy to tell Emily that her photo of "Oxford Street" was actually a photo of the high street in Oxford, 50 miles away. I did not hear from her again.
And if you have a product or service you're keen to plug, I hope not to hear from you either. Fingers crossed the marketing trickle dries up in 2020.
