Thanks to the government's visionary new planning revolution, we at HutcH can build you one lightning fast.
Take your pick from a selection of our off-the-peg home solutions.
HutcHGROWTH
Do you know what housing zone you live in? We hope not, because it's likely anything developers suggest now gets automatic approval round your way. A shop reimagined as two maisonettes, an estate without pavements or a 30-storey tower with cosmetic cladding - we've been given carte blanche to build whatever we like. Best of all we no longer have to meet affordability criteria or pay local councils to fund community services because the bottom line is now our bottom line. Liberate your neighbourhood with HutcHGROWTH.
HutcHRENEWAL
Live in a council property? Not for much longer you don't because we've bought your estate and are fast-tracking it it for densification. We already have plans to knock down your block, but don't worry because we promise to rehouse you miles away while we rebuild it. The new estate will have a lot more homes for private sale and fewer for less wealthy tenants, but you might just qualify for one of the north-facing flats with a separate entrance by the bin store. Make way for the better-off with HutcHRENEWAL.
HutcHFRINGE
Remember that field round the back of your parents' house where you spent many happy summers as a child? We've bought it and will soon be squeezing in a bijou cul-de-sac of mews houses with double garages. Instead of pesky wildlife infesting their garden, your mum and dad can look forward to looking out over kitchen extractor fans, bathroom windows and malfunctioning security lights. Rest assured that once we've sold all the new properties we'll buy the next field beyond that and start the whole cycle all over again. Extend your boundaries with HutcHFRINGE.
HutcHTOP-UP
See that patch of sky out of your bedroom window? We've bought it and we're going to add two storeys onto the house nextdoor because nobody can stop us. The new garret flat will have three minimum-sized rooms, a small skylight for ventilation and access via an exterior staircase. Most importantly it'll soon be blocking out all the daylight streaming into your current flat, so you might as well move out of yours and buy ours instead. Reach for the skies with HutcHTOP-UP.
HutcHSUBURBAN
Spotted any planning notices on the lampposts down your street recently? No of course you haven't because we don't have to display those early warning signals any more. Instead we can just throw up a block of flats where a bungalow used to be by citing a 'Local Plan' which doesn't specifically prohibit it. Legally there's nothing you can do to obstruct our new blueprint, because local oversight has been effectively neutered... so could we perhaps interest you in selling us your house too? Light the bonfire of red tape with HutcHSUBURBAN.
HutcHOFFICE
Working from home now? That's perfect because we've just bought your office and are transforming it into studio pods with almost enough room to swing a cat. The bed flips up to reveal a built-in sofa, the kitchen has a plug socket for a kettle and you should be able to balance your laptop on your knees if you're careful. For an extra fee we'll even soundproof your partitions to help keep low-level conversation at bay. Enjoy the convenience of city centre living with HutcHOFFICE.
HutcHMICRO
Worried you'll never be able to afford a home of your own? Fret not, because we have the solution and it's micro-living. While you were at college you managed to live in a tiny room with shared cooking and shower facilities, and we reckon you should have the option of doing that for the rest of your life. We've added social areas with big cushions and a cupboard we laughingly like to call a gym, because we know you like those, and you wouldn't believe how many postgrads we reckon we can pack in. A lifetime of debt is yours with HutcHMICRO.
HutcHBEAUTIFUL
Big fan of traditional design? Well that's good, because the government has confirmed that 'beautiful' architecture will be fast-tracked without precisely defining what beautiful is. We reckon it's anything in brick that rises over seven storeys, ideally with minimal balcony space, and you'll never be able to persuade our lawyers that we're wrong. As for that Victorian pub on the corner, we're sure it'd look much better as a classically-styled conservatory for the house nextdoor and who's to argue? Adjust your perspective with HutcHBEAUTIFUL.
HutcHPROTECTED
Sitting pretty in your detached house in the Green Belt? Well don't get too comfy. 'Planning For The Future' is only the first housing White Paper of this parliament, and it wouldn't take too many backhanders to introduce another which redefines the Green Belt and lets the bulldozers in. We live in a land of opportunity, and there's no greater opportunity than three acres in the Home Counties. You're safe in name only with HutcHPROTECTED.
HutcHINSTANTSLUM
Why did we ever get hung up on building quality? All that's really important is that everyone gets a roof over their head while property speculators make as much profit as possible. There's never been a better time to be a shareholder in a construction company, or a worse time to be looking for a home of your own. Look forward to living in a box with all its corners cut, and best not think of starting a family while you're there. The direction of travel is HutcHINSTANTSLUM.
Invest in aHutcHhome - because where Britain's going there's no need for regulation.
