Your city centre needs you. All the shops within half a mile of your office are about to collapse unless you return to the office right now and kickstart the economy. Go Back!
Your child is incredibly unlikely to die if you send them to school. They might bring the virus home and pass it on to granny, but they themselves are 100% safe so stop worrying. Go Back!
You're definitely not as productive at home, or at least your bosses can't check that you are, so they need you back in the office where they can keep an eye on you properly. Go Back!
The coffee from the Costa outside your workplace tastes so much better than the coffee from your local corner shop, you know it does. Go Back!
You can be fined for gathering in groups of over 30 people, but it is morally indefensible not to send your child back to school to meet all their friends. Go Back!
The two hours a day you save by not commuting would be better spent squished into a train carriage or queueing in a traffic jam. Go Back!
The Prime Minister, Health Secretary and Chief Medical Officer aren't worried about going into the office because they've had the sense to catch the virus already, probably in the office. Go Back!
Six months of abject loneliness are best combatted by allowing your work colleagues' coughs to be recirculated by the office air conditioning. Go Back!
Your mask will magically protect you in a variety of transport and workplace situations, transforming you into an impregnable superhero for as long as this illusion lasts. Go Back!
Once your children are back at school and the home environment is quiet and calm again, we urgently need you back in the hellish hubbub of an open plan office. Go Back!
Only lazy freeloaders set their alarm clocks for ten to nine and then sit down for the day's first virtual meeting while still wearing their pyjama bottoms. Go Back!
If you've been saving £400 a month on travel costs and getting your debts back on track, sorry, there's a dry cleaners at Waterloo station about to go out of business. Go Back!
White Van Man has been back at work for months, tucked up in their mobile cocoon, so the very least you can do is pile back into a crowded train carriage. Go Back!
Under social distancing guidelines at most 50% of your organisation's staff could return to the office safely, but come back anyway, your presence is essential. Go Back!
Think of the poor landlords who invested in office space in the inner cities. How will they survive without your bums on their seats? We must come to the aid of the speculators. Go Back!
Now that autumn's here, wouldn't you rather your employer was paying for your central heating? Go Back!
You've done a marvellous job juggling child care with work since March, but far better that an expendable teacher takes them off your hands for a few months and does some proper teaching. Go Back!
While you were away from the office your employer moved all the desks apart, widened the corridors and added extra lifts so that everyone can move around the building in total safety, honest. Go Back!
If you don't get back to your desk sharpish, one of the five Starbucks between the tube station and your office might become unprofitable. Go Back!
Your children deserve to go back to school to study for exams we'll probably cancel later. Go Back!
Admit it, it'd be a proper novelty to have a meeting in person again rather than watching your colleagues pretending to look engaged inside tiny boxes on Zoom. Go Back!
But the trains are empty! What are you worried about? There'd only be a problem if thousands of people all piled back to work at the same time... Go Back!
If your employer has chosen to shut down their offices and concentrate on home working, it is your duty to resign and find an employer who needs you more. Go Back!
The UK economy could lose half a trillion pounds of output if workers fail to return to their offices, and you do not want this tragedy to be entirely your fault. Go Back!
You could at least do Tuesdays and Thursdays, especially if we can persuade the office bully and the smelly one to do Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Go Back!
Given how much better your baking skills have become over lockdown, your colleagues deserve the opportunity to share your chocolate brownies for real. Go Back!
The Prime Minister, whose daily commute involves simply walking downstairs, wants you to stop simply walking downstairs and commute miles across the suburbs instead. Go Back!
City centres could become ghost towns, which would be ghastly if you'd invested millions in a hospitality business there. Won't somebody please think of the shareholders? Go Back!
Even if your company insists on permitting a shift to home working, show them who's boss by coming into the office anyway and claiming that desk by the window you've always wanted. Go Back!
Every sandwich you make in your own kitchen dooms a Pret worker to a life on benefits. Go Back!
You might think you're working efficiently on a laptop in your spare room, but your line manager cannot possibly complete your annual appraisal under these nightmarish conditions. Go Back!
You probably haven't read a copy of Metro or the Evening Standard in months, so your knowledge of celebrities and Hollywood gossip is in desperate need of topping up. Go Back!
After six months in trackie bottoms eating banana bread your work clothes probably no longer fit, and we know several city centre shops desperate to sell you some. Go Back!
Everyone's mental health is boosted by the merry camaraderie of the office, or at least it is in our simplistic worldview where introverts do not exist. Go Back!
The economic activity generated by commuting is critical to our economy, which admittedly is our fault not yours, but you cannot sit at home forever. Go Back!
The virus has magically stopped being dangerous and everything is normal again, if only you'd go back. Go Back!
