Blogging is endangered and outdated, because what's the point of reading something when you could be listening to it instead? Working your way through several paragraphs of text is a lot of visual hassle and rarely frictionless. How much better to simply sit back, press play and let the words wash all over you.
Which is why I've decided to accelerate my blog into the future by introducing 🎤 a series of podcasts 🎤 you can take with you wherever you go. They'll cover the usual range of eclectic topics you've come to enjoy over the years but this time in handy audible chunks. No longer will you need to find your reading glasses every time you want to find out what I've published next or pinch your smartphone screen so that the text appears in a legible size. Instead just press play and absorb the latest diamond geezer offering without expending any effort whatsoever.
Sometimes the podcasts will be a one-off, like a nostalgic update from my spare room, a description of a seaside jaunt or a review of the latest tube map. But the key thing with podcasts is to provide regular content so I'll also be introducing a weekly schedule of themed uploads for you to slot into your busy schedule. A new file will be available to download at 7am daily, and that's your morning commute, jogging soundtrack or afternoon tea break sorted.
Mondays: Somewhere You'll Never Go
Join me in an obscure London location each week as I walk the backstreets pointing at things and telling you what they are. Look there's a shopping parade, that's quite an old church and over here is a road sign with a faintly amusing subtext. Because it's somewhere properly obscure I can guarantee it's somewhere you'll never go, so prepare to be enlightened, unless by some freak chance you grew up there or live there now in which case be sure to share your favourite nostalgic anecdote.
🎤 DG Monday Podcast 1: Coney Hall
Everything you need to know about West Wickham's outpost estate, including what really goes on up Corkscrew Hill, the hygiene rating of the Golden Valley takeaway and where to find the obligatory Greenwich Meridian marker.
Tuesdays: Pedant's Corner
One of the joys of podcasting is that there's no need to take hours writing 1000 words of carefully-checked text, you can simply outpour a continuous stream of commentary griping about some minor infringement of grammar, design or common sense. Even better the audience will only hear your rant rather than reading it so nobody will be able to point out any unintentional spelling errors.
🎤 DG Tuesday Podcast 1: To Apostrophe Or Not To Apostrophe
In the first episode I address the elephant in the room, which is whether Pedant's Corner should be spelt with the apostrophe before the 's' or after it.
Wednesdays: DG Stays Local
Another joy of relaunching within a different communication medium is that I can revisit all sorts of previous written content so all sorts of incredibly local things are suddenly fair game again. Expect to hear more about which bits of the Olympic Park are eventually going to be flats, how the Bow Roundabout pedestrian crossings have proved an imperfect interim solution and how difficult it is to get hold of pink recycling bags. If you live nearby you'll be gripped, and even if you don't I hope you'll still be mildly intrigued.
🎤 DG Wednesday Podcast 1: Tom Thumb's Arch
In my E3 opener I'll be investigating how this micro-subway got its name, who designed the underwhelming art in the centre, how steep the gradient is on the approach and how dangerous it might be if you met an e-scooter coming the other way.
Thursdays: Museum Of The Week
London is jam-packed with quirky museums so I intend to bring you the cultural flavour of one a week. I'll record my thoughts as I go round, from the customer experience at the front desk to the unexpected exhibit in the third room, so long as I don't feel horribly self-conscious or get told off for talking inappropriately loud. Please note that I won't be reviewing the coffee and cake in the cafe but I might just pass judgement on the quality of the gift shop.
🎤 DG Thursday Podcast 1: Headstone Manor
Come for a virtual stroll around this fascinating medieval house/barn complex in the wilds of almost-Harrow. Hopefully you won't notice I am in fact sitting at home and basing my commentary on a set of old photos I took on my last visit, because podcasting is an entirely non-visual medium so why waste time and money going again?
Fridays: What TfL Got Wrong Next
There's always something imperfect in the world of London's public transport, and as an armchair pundit I feel uniquely qualified to point this out. Only recently I've been overcharged 10p for a zone 3 journey, spotted a misleading poster on a river pier and forced TfL to delete a tweet in which they claimed you needed to touch out when travelling by bus. Don't expect the content for this weekly podcast series to dry up any time soon.
🎤 DG Friday Podcast 1: Bus Stop M Update
I am of course kicking off with an in-depth report recorded live inside the shelter at London's most notorious bus stop. After checking that the timetables are up to date and the tiles are in the right order I'll be focusing on the most egregious issue, namely the long-term absence of the Bow Church spider map. Waiting passengers will be invited to comment on other pressing concerns as appropriate.
Saturdays: Viral Content
As the pandemic rumbles inexorably towards its inevitable end, or perhaps doesn't, I need to share with you my thoughts on how it's going, what the science really means and why you need to be adjusting your behaviour. I firmly believe that burying my thoughts within a podcast is the best way to influence everyone who's inexplicably come to different conclusions and needs to be re-educated. Better still, podcasting is a firmly one-way medium so nobody'll be able to leave comments pointing out why my amateur interpretation may not be 100% correct.
🎤 DG Saturday Podcast 1: Hands Face Space?
As the government seeks to rescue the economy by withdrawing all social distancing restrictions, I ask whether the inevitable increase in cases will cause the Test & Trace app to ping so regularly that millions of people will end up self-isolating and the economy will crash anyway, or whether that is perhaps a massive oversimplification.
Sundays: London Journeys
Round off your week with a relaxing jaunt in good company. Every Sunday I'll visit a different part of the capital and follow a different route to uncover hidden secrets, perhaps exploring a bridleway, shadowing an invisible boundary or tracing a lost river. I might go by rail, by tube, by bus or on foot, although walking obviously remains most likely at the moment. Simply close your eyes, try to imagine what I'm seeing and let a thousand words paint a picture.
🎤 DG Sunday podcast 1: A ride aboard the 456 bus
I recently went for a ride aboard London's newest bus route, the 456, which wends its way from the garden centres of Crews Hill to a hospital beside the North Circular. I've already blogged about my journey but thought this'd make an excellent first podcast so I've revisited my Enfield safari in audio form and it's available to listen now. I'm particularly excited because it turns out two thousand words expand to fill over 12 minutes of podcast, which means I'm going to be occupying even more of your time than I was before. Just click below and enjoy.
