The Hundred is cricket's newest competition, a bold and innovative attempt to attract people to the game who aren't currently fans. That's very much me, having had to sit stupefied through many a test match in my childhood, so I wondered if the new dynamic format might win me round.
What makes The Hundred special is that it features men and women equally (but ah, in separate matches). What makes The Hundred special is that teams only face 100 balls (so it doesn't drag on interminably like a typical match). What makes The Hundred special is that bowlers can change after five balls rather than six (because 100 wouldn't be divisible otherwise). What makes The Hundred special is that the teams have been picked from a pool of diverse global players (but more a secret tombola than rigorous selection). And what makes The Hundred especially special is that there are eight brand new teams (but with no backstory, desperate branding and a crisp logo on their shirts).
The eight teams
» Birmingham Phoenix @Edgbaston (Butterkist)
» London Spirit @Lord's (Tyrells)
» Manchester Originals @OldTrafford (McCoy's)
» Northern Superchargers @Headingley (Popchips)
» Oval Invincibles @The Oval (KP)
» Southern Brave @Southampton (Pom-Bear)
» Trent Rockets @TrentBridge (Skips)
» Welsh Fire @SophiaGardens (Hula Hoops)
The teams are geographically spread, so I think the idea is that you support your local one. Londoners have two to choose from, one north of the river and one south, although I live nearer the wrong one so I'm conflicted. You could also pick the team with the best name, or perhaps the least worst name because these are ghastly contrivances. When Rugby League did similar at least they picked fierce creatures, whereas these choices are more like personal qualities you might find on an appraisal form.
The crisps though, the crisps are cringeworthy. I know cricket needs sponsors, and at least they're not the usual betting companies, but how embarrassing must it be to walk out with Butterkist on your chest? Juxtapose it with the team name and it looks even worse - Hula Hoops fire, Skips rocket and Pom-Bears brave. Mainly this is because the target audience for The Hundred is families with hungry kids, not app-enabled gamblers, but still seriously sheesh.
I thought I'd watch the opening match, KP versus McCoy's, as cricket made a triumphant return to free-to-air telly.
6.00 The BBC's theme tune is an urban rap, because Soul Limbo is for old-timers.
6.03 What I've gathered from Greg James' intro is that "it's like cricket, but shorter"
6.05 There's been a very big emphasis on the opening match being women's cricket, not men's.
6.10 The Originals win the toss, and I've already forgotten if they're the London team or not.
6.16 The Oval does not look at all full, but let's say that's due to social distancing.
6.21 The crowd is semi-diverse - maybe a bit Clapham - with a lot of young children.
6.29 I missed the firework display because I was off chopping a carrot.
6.30 The first ball is a wide, which may not be a good omen.
6.32 The third and fourth balls are mishandled near-boundaries.
6.34 Ball 7 is a wicket after some technical appeal jiggerypokery.
6.38 At the end of the first 'ten' we get a close up on Abi the DJ.
6.45 Mild confusion because it's no free hit, or something.
6.52 The lime green/magenta colour scheme reminds me of the 2012 Olympics.
6.48 We've had a lot of 'duckballs' so far, apparently.
7.02 I have switched over to The Archers, which is not a good sign.
7.16 I've missed two wickets (although I'm not sure what the point of wickets is).
7.30 There's just been a Timeout for team talk, and the flow of the game has been lost.
7.36 10 BALLS LEFT... because this has to be a thing now.
7.42 Spotted a man in the crowd in an official £50 Hula Hoops shirt.
7.43 So the first half is just a run chase with no tension (but that's cricket for you).
7.44 This is also being shown on Sky, so BBC2 has to pad out the bit where the adverts go.
7.48 Becky Hill sings her latest single. I don't think Johnners would have approved.
7.52 Being the very first match, nobody knows if 135 is a good score or not.
7.55 The on-screen graphics have changed to "runs needed" and "balls left".
8.00 I'm quite tempted to switch to The Repair Shop, even if that's slower.
8.01 After three balls we've had two wickets, so that's all the thrills.
8.08 The graphics show a "Win Predictor", not the run rate needed.
8.19 The cameras cut to a section of the crowd staring at their phones.
8.20 South London is looking pretty tonight though.
8.30 A football match would have finished by now. Still 50 balls left.
8.34 The chief sponsor has their name written twelve times on each wicket.
8.38 The latest boundary is celebrated with a blast of dance music from the pavilion.
8.45 A fumbled catch and a failed run out have awakened the crowd.
8.49 London need 35 runs from 20 balls, so the Win Predictor's up from 7% to 35%.
8.56 It's taken 2½ hours, and targets closing, to finally install a bit of tension.
9.01 A six at just the right moment means eight runs are needed off eight balls.
9.05 Just as the sun sets on the Oval, the home team wins with two balls to spare.
9.06 The crowd erupts, the music gets louder and the teams wander off to the tunnel.
9.09 Still 20 minutes to fill with post-match analysis... "What a game it's been".
9.25 It's been refreshing to see women's cricket treated with equal respect to men's.
9.28 But enough now, I did not want to relive the last 150 minutes all over again.
So it's not for me. Despite the brouhaha and pizazz it's just artificial cricket between artificial teams playing to artificial rules, and with an excessive emphasis on totals rather than wickets. My problem is that I don't have sport empathy, the ability to pick a side, engage and urge them on, so I don't care who wins. But I suspect a lot of new fans will, given the hype and the theatre, and expect purveyors of maize-, potato-, and corn-based snacks to do well out of it too.
