Changes to the Highway Code which came into effect yesterday now place pedestrians above drivers, cyclists and even horse riders, at least when it comes to not inflicting unnecessary damage. I felt extra-safe as I strode purposefully across every road.
These new rules tell drivers and cyclists to give way in far more circumstances than ever before. If they're turning out of a road and I want to cross in front of them, I win. That's excellent. And if they're turning into a road and I want to cross in front of them, I win again. That's bloody brilliant.
Admittedly it's only 'should give way' not 'must give way', but I'm confident drivers will already have internalised the new rules and be ready to submit to my superior presence. I'm almost tempted to start crossing roads for no good reason.
Once my foot's on the black and white stripes you have to stop, you have no choice, because my feet have been granted magic powers. But the Highway Code now says you should also stop when you see me waiting to cross, so it's no good pretending you didn't see me or hoping you can zip past. This includes the bus driver who failed to stop for me at a zebra crossing on Friday, I assume because they were taking advantage of their last day of legal freedom.
I'm less thrilled by the green signal thing at light controlled crossings because most of the time they're red. I'm also confused by what happens at a light controlled crossing if traffic is turning into or out of the road and whether it has to stop for me or not, because an earlier rule said it should and this rule seems to suggest it shouldn't. I thought I was king of the road! Now you're saying I still have to obey the signals at crossings and let the traffic dominate me?
I haven't read all the new rules for cyclists because I'm not one, only the new rules which apply to how pedestrians and cyclists interact. That first one seems fair enough.
Hell yes. There it is in black and white, the overriding principle that pavements are for pedestrians. Not for cyclists trying to keep out of the roadway nor for whizzy mopeds on delivery and especially not for joyriders on e-scooters. The pavement is solely ours, keep off it!
Wow it gets better and better. There are hardly any signs prohibiting pedestrians so I can basically walk wherever I like. If I want to amble along the gutter or take a cheeky shortcut or cross the road inbetween crossings that's fine, so long as I have regard for my own and other road users' safety. I particularly like the bit about being allowed to walk along cycle lanes because sometimes cyclists get the most direct routes.
I celebrate the pedestrian's rightful ascent to the top of the tree, and the fact that the government has ceaselessly advertised the new Highway Code to ensure every road user understands all the implications. Next time I want to step out at a road junction or cross a zebra crossing I can launch myself with total confidence, certain that all other road users will recognise my priority.
I'm already looking forward to going out and ruling the roads on Day Two, and hope to return alive to tell the tale.
