Recently people have tried guessing what I'm writing about, or where, even though that wasn't the point of the post. So today I thought we'd do it properly.
Here are five photos I took during the last fortnight.
They were taken in five different mystery locations somewhere in London.
I've written 200 words about each photo.
But I'll only show you the text once someone's guessed correctly where they are.
n.b. They're spread out across Outer London.
n.b. I'd never visited any of these places before.
n.b. The places aren't necessarily very interesting.
n.b. If nobody guesses correctly, my text remains unread.
...and they've now all been guessed, well done!
Barnehurst(Bexley): For those of us who are used to our local parks being flat, Martens Grove Park comes as a bit of a shock because it has a deep woody groove down the middle. It's all thanks to the South London Pebbly Sands geological formation, and because a couple of rich Victorians built mansions here to take advantage of the landscaped setting. Some of the lusher trees wouldn't currently be here if the estate's gardener hadn't planted them. In these more municipal times there are restful benches and steep steps to climb and long ridgeside paths threading down towards Watling Street and several dogmess bins in vibrant Bexley red. The park once had a large open air swimming pool at the foot of the chasm, then just some underused tennis courts which over the last couple of years have been transformed into BMX-friendly Bexley Bike Park. One half has multiple lunar humps and bumps for two-wheeled thrills and spills, the other a more sedate road layout for teaching cycle sense to wobblier kids. It looks like the bluebells are going to be pretty spectacular but I only saw two, both runty and premature, so give it a few weeks.
Dormers Wells(Ealing): You'd know 205 North Road if you lived nearby, it's the brightly decorated house nextdoor to the solicitors. It has shields on the gable and contrasting coloured bricks and yellow windowframes and painted owls and a glittery front wall decorated with wading birds and a car's rear reflector and a horned helmet and a nice bit of privet and a sign on the gatepost that says Peace and a sign on the wall that says Warning CCTV and an Egyptian mummy halfway down the garden path and a little cow with a white rose on its back and creative use of silver laughing gas capsules and all-year-round baubles and colourful discs surrounding the front door and a big stone painted with the phrase Angels Wings Surround You Always and several embedded bottletops and a frog beside the doorstep and a satellite dish because it's also someone's home. I'd say there a south Asian influence, this being borderline Southall - a fresh take on more typical west London suburban design. The Beehive pub across the road screams 1930s, right down to the multiply-pitched roof and plaster scrapings, but has since been converted into Sarin Superstore and now sells lottery tickets, Polish beer and Portable Japanese BBQs so nothing's sacred, but number 205 gets close.
Edmonton(Enfield): It's not common in London for three roads to cross each other. This is where Dunholme Road and South Eastern Avenue cross Chalfont Road, with the latter coming out on top rights-of-way-wise. We're in the sweeping streets of Edmonton, not so far from the station but far enough to be off piste. Follow Dunholme Road north and you reach the medieval parish church, or follow it south and you hit the dull end of Pymmes Park. But here there's just a sprawling six-way junction surrounded by unadventurous semis, dusty pavement and bare trees. The odd building out is an electricity substation disguised as a little cottage, though not with any windows, just a lot of yellow warning signs. On my visit two of the street corners were being dug up for Cadent gas works, although it wouldn't surprise me if they've packed up and left by now. I also suspect someone's cleared away the pink Minnie Mouse sunglasses discarded on the northern prong. I can also confirm that when Royal Mail delivery staff turn up they lock their red trolley to the lamppost outside number 42, which has a very nice blooming camellia, and that the yellow lines outside haven't been repainted since the road was last resurfaced. I did say these places weren't necessarily very interesting, but I did hope someone might spot the unusual six-way junction, and someone did.
Stanmore(Harrow): Yes, it's a knitted pillar box on top of a pillar box, indeed it's one of the Postbox Toppers that've sprung up around Stanmore to raise money for cancer care at Mount Vernon Hospital. You'll find it on the bend in Old Church Lane opposite Stanmore Baptist Church, which very much isn't the old church the road is named after. It was put here by members of the Stanmore Arts and Crafts Facebook group as a follow up to their successful Christmas campaign across nine HA7 locations. This one's a spring special, as you can tell by the daffodil on the far side and the knitted envelope that says "To MUM". I don't think the 5p stamp is going to get it very far. This being 2022 they've had to stick a notice to the box saying "Please leave this here for others to enjoy" and also "This topper and its ornaments are not intended as toys and could be dangerous for toys and animals." I was sorry to have missed the crocheted hood with four gnomes on it (which is in Vernon Drive), the one where a dog is staring at a snail (in Woodlands Drive) and the one with the erect lobster (in Lady Aylesford Avenue). But whereas the Christmas set raised over £1000 the latest bunch have so far only reached £65, so if you did fancy showing some appreciation they've got a Just Giving page here. We have nothing like this in Bow.
Worcester Park(Sutton): Once upon a time this was a Sewage Treatment Works but Thames Water decided they could do without and sold out to a property developer who built 650 homes instead. They called the estate The Hamptons and went for a New England vibe with substantial Dutch-Colonial-style buildings and picket fences, so it feels a bit like stepping into a Stephen King filmset only with hatchbacks and pylons. In 2011 the Evening Standard described The Hamptons as "a beauty among the beasts of endless interwar terraces", which was a slight on the actual residents of Worcester Park but very much target audience. Only one of the timber blocks has subsequently burnt to the ground due to entirely inadequate firestopping, which is the block you can no longer see in this photo because it isn't there. The estate surrounds a large area of severely landscaped parkland complete with viewing mound and amphitheatre, plus an extensive wetland area consisting of five heron-infested ponds. Follow the curving boardwalk out of Mayflower Park and you enter Pig Farm Alley - a reminder that not everything round here has been upwardly rebranded - and beyond that a cemetery and Merton's council tip. Personally I prefer the neighbouring "monotonous" semis, but there's nowhere else in London quite like it.
